Christmas 2007

Everything will change, you'll see
They say the best things in life are free.
Ouco a musica que me lembra de ti, seguida pela que melhor descreve a minha vida.
Porque parece certo seguir-me pelos teus passos? Mover-me por ti... Como se fosses a essencia do que me faz viver! Sorrir...
Olhar para ti e olhar para o Infinito. E olhar a vida. E ver nos teus olhos a transparencia da nossa Existencia.
Hoje sinto nostalgia, saudade, tristeza. Como se tudo tivesse acabado e apenas o sentimento fantasma persistisse.
Na realidade, nao e assim...
Eu amo-te. E de quao morto-vivo tem isso?
I just turn off the light
And wish I'll sleep tonight.
Sinto-me tao sozinha.
Como se vivessemos em diferentes fases da lua.
Tenho sorte por ser perdoada por que amo. Mas eh isso amor. Compreensao? Deixando hipocrisias para quem as quer. So espero vir a superar-me! Melhorar quem sou e recuperar o respeito, pois foi um pouco disso que perdi, por ti e por mim.
Dava o mundo para te ouvir por um segundo.
Entregaria o Infinito para sentir o que sentiste nesta noite, neste instante, neste momento.
If anyone would say, I would be this way...
I wouldn't believe it, but tomorrow's another day.
Final de ano aproxima-se. E como que mais uma etapa da vida. Vai-se passando. E tu? Onde estas? Porque para sempre me vais amar? E deixas sentir isso, em vao?
Tanto fizeste para que acreditasse no amor e nada fazes para que nao desacredite.
Se bem que sinto, e isso?!
Eu nao esperava que me dissesses que seria tarde demais para pedir desculpa. Por medo?!
Ou sera mais aquilo de que tanto fui julgada, orgulho?
I know I can make it right
Everything is going to be alright.

Thomas Hardy - "Transformations"

Portion of this yew
Is a man my grandsire knew,
Bosomed here at this foot:
This branch may be his wife,
A ruddy human life
Now turned to a green shoot.

These grasses must be made
Of her who often prayed,
Last century, for repose;
And the fair girl long ago
Whom I often tried to know
May be entering this rose.

So they are not underground
But as nerves and veins abound
In the growths of upper air,
And they feel the sun and rain,
And the energy again
That made them what they "were"!

[I LOVE this poem!! Had to share it with you...]

~ Eliminando a Vanessa camuflada ~

Eu aprendi a amar a noite!
A lua, que muitas vezes mencionaste a sua grandiosidade, as estrelas cintilantes...
Hoje, olho alem do escuro que a noite carrega - analisando os "candeeiros" de esperanca - sabendo que es coberto pelo mesmo ceu que observo; imaginando-te agarrado a esses mesmos pensamentos e sentimentos que sinto e para que vivo.
"Morreremos os dois no mesmo dia"
Quao eterna eh esta eternidade de que tanto nos iludimos?
Se amar e viver na linha tenue entre felicidade e infelicidade?
"Sentir que se esta so e pior que morrer"
Porque morrendo, nao tens de viver emprenhado no vazio!
Eh melhor viver sabendo o que eh amor do que nunca ter amado!
Eu nao sei muito bem como ser feliz, nao eh confortavel!
A solidao eh comoda!
Nao existem "deja vu's" apenas reencontros?
Habituamo-nos a normalidade das coisas! Que quase que vivemos numa realidade distorcida...
... Eu ando pelo mundo, e onde andas tu? Onde esta quem amo?
Se o tempo/esforco usado/gasto/desperdicado a fugir por medo tivesse sido empregado em fazer-te feliz?! Como seria...
E burrice viver contente sabendo o que me faz feliz. Estupidez... [ai esta estupidez...]
Eu nao pedi para viver, e muito menos para te amar. Aconteceu.
Eu nao esperava, nenhum sino tocou!
O nosso amor chegou devagar, espalhou-se calmamente e foi ficando, ate ficar.
O mundo nao nos agradeceu; nao aconteceu como nas historias, nem como a memoria tem costume de contar. Nao choveu, nao dancamos na chuva! Nao tomamos banho em petalas de rosas, nem caminhamos sobre elas. Nao aconteceu nos conhecermos debaixo do luar.
Es os versos que escrevo, e que rasgo. Es o meu fado, a cruz que carrego! Eu sou o teu o mar alto, os raios de sol; Eu sou pelo avesso... a tua pele. Eu sou a chuva que te molha, e tu o ar que respiro! Sou a tua noite, es o meu dia. Sou o teu quarto se quiseres dormir. Es o meu dia se quiser viver.
Somos a estrada que caminhamos!
Somos o tempo que fez a cama ao nosso amor.. E eh ai que dormimos e permanecemos.
Somos o sonho que sonhamos.

Momento Nosso...

Eu sou muito adulta e tu muito pequenino. Tu dormes nos meus braços e eu escondo-me no teu corpo. Tu és muito bonito e eu sou muito feia. Tu sabes a mel e eu sou muito amarga. Tu sonhas comigo e eu espero por ti nos meus sonhos…
A noite já abraçou a lua há já muitas horas, Tu dormes no meu peito nu como um principe docemente desprotegido. Eu tenho a tua respiração na minha pele, e os meus cabelos percorrem como um rio selvagem as minhas costas. A tua pele é clara como a lua, pois eu vejo-te na escuridão desta gruta onde nos escondemos. Sinto-te só meu neste espaço onde o tempo não obedece ao tempo mas à vontade das nossas almas. Eu sussurro-te, por entre a noite que vai e que fica, histórias ao ouvido, mesmo sabendo que dormes suavemente, enquanto as minhas mãos percorrem envergonhadas o teu corpo meu. Amo o teu corpo distante de mim que dorme junto ao meu peito; amo os teus olhos espelhos das alma e senhores das palavras ditas. Quero-te para sempre nesta noite que nos cobre num negro cintilante, para me dedicar a ti num vício voluntário e doce…
As roupas enfeitam as tábuas de madeira deste chão. Vejo, ou imagino, a tua camisa, as tuas calças, a tua roupa mais pequena, a cair há horas do teu corpo agora nosso . Sinto-te em mim neste abraço doce e quente onde nos tornámos crianças puras em busca do tesouro escondido. Nada foi igual ao que já fora…
Tu és muito adulto e eu muito pequenina. Eu descanso no teu corpo e tu vives nos meus braços.

[escrito ah, 2 anos...]

* Integracao *

Quem e portugues, nasce p'ra ser assim!
Se nao e pela Lingua, consegue se-lo pelo sentido de humor, inteligencia, entre outros factores,...

Um americano sempre julga ser melhor que os outros. Infelizmente, "a repeticao exaustiva da mesma acusacao desacredita o acusador"...

Hoje assisti a um americano a tentar desvalorizar um chines!
A principio, fiquei a pensar comigo mesma... "Que argumentos podera ele utilizar que sejam validos? Ao ponto de menosprezar o coitado do rapaz chines!"

"Tenho orgulho em ser americano!! Tenho orgulho na nossa historia!!!" - dizia o americano.

Mas o que e um americano afinal?
E de que historia fala ele? [ meia duzia de centenas de anos? - como quem diz - ... ]

Como se deve sentir alguem de descendencia de europeus/emigrantes de terceira? Que orgulho ha nisso?

E ao debater o descobrimento da America o argumento do fulano americano foi:
"Mas os indios ja ca estavam..."

Ora vejamos, chegamos nos com trajes de gente! E com armas!! Para nosso espanto, vemos um molhe de "homo sapiens" a brincar com paus e canas; isso e Historia?
Que? Os indios, eram frutos dos avancados Adao e Eva, por isso nao demonstravam nenhum desenvolvimento? Progresso?
[o meu sentido de humor...]

Ao que o americano comenta:
"Os paus e as canas deviam fazer estragos, porque ainda existem indios, nao morreram..."

Analisando a situacao em 1492... Chegamos nos a America, olhamos aquelas amostras de gente com paus na mao! Enquanto nos carregamos armas, eh como olhar para uma crianca com um palito na mao! "Olha la, NAO TE MAGOES COM ISSO!!!"
Se alguns indios sobreviveram, foi por misericordia? Pena? Do? E claro, porque mao de obra de borla, vem sempre a jeito!

No fim, estavam todos abismados e eu ainda meia atordoada com tanta parvoice.
Ainda bem que nao pagam para serem incultos e para terem barreiras no cerebro, porque de certo, o "dollar" valeria muito menos!

O professor, ainda teve a ousadia de me "ameacar";

"Tens de ter cuidado com o que dizes..."

Ao que respondi: "Bem, pensava que estava num pais livre! Em que opinar, e permitido! Se calhar, nem tanto..."

Por alguma razao que me escapa, estes palhacos, pensam que parte da floresta Amazonia lhes pertence. Supostamente, e mencionado num livro de Historia do secundario, dizem eles.
Se alguem sabe alguma coisa sobre o assunto, agradecia pormenores.

"merci"

~ The Three WisheS ~

"If I could pick three wishes"
1st, I'd make me be the one he misses!
2nd, I'd create my own world, in PinK
and make him the only thing I'd think!

I'd give away my soul
With one purpose, one goal...
'Cause Life without him here
It's like a day with no sun

I wouldn't be able to live, dear
Without him, my life would be done!
So my last wish is my heart.

As for I wish, we'll never be apart;
That when he is caught by death...
... my life will be taken, in his final breath.

~ Natal ~

Os natais ja nao sao iguais!
Sao sem alegria...
Sem familia...
Sem festa...

Os natais ja nao sao iguais!
Sem calor...
Sem amor...
Sem esperanca...

Os natais ja nao sao iguais!
Sem felicidade...
Sem amizade...
Apenas com o que me resta!

Os natais ja nao sao iguais!
Sem inocencia...
Sem crenca...
Com a restea, de lembranca...!

~ DaD II ~

Nem sei bem como comecar
Nem sei bem o que escrever
Mas ao tempo que ando a chorar
O que aqui vou dizer.
Quando era pequenita
Meu pai, era o meu mundo
Ao contrario do que muitos pensam
As suas palavras, nao cairam em poco sem fundo!
Disseste muitas vezes, que me ia lembrar de ti
Quao verdade eh o que disseste...
Sou feliz, e penso em tudo o que vivi...
E agradeco a Deus pelo o amor que me deste.
Aquando da minha adolescencia
Querias a minha proteccao
Mas passar a minha vida sozinha,
Nao eh a solucao.
Fizeste-o com boa intencao
Nao fosse alguem partir o meu coracao.
Que nos amavas, muitas vezes duvidei
Mas embora magoada, Pai, eu sempre te amei.
Nao te vou mentir Pai
Muitas vezes pensei dizer-te:
"Sai da minha vida, sai..."
Mas no fundo, vou sempre amar-te.
Os meus amigos perguntavam
Porque escolhias a bebida inves de mim?
Eu mentia e dizia que tinhas uma doenca
E que nao podias escolher, que tinhas de ser assim...
Hoje pergunto a mim mesma
Porque mudaste?
Porque me fizeste sofrer?
Se sempre me amaste...
Bebias por minha causa?
Ou era por outro alguem?
Nao devias arruinar a tua vida
Pelos erros de ninguem!!!
Eu sempre tive medo de te falar
Tinha medo que me deixasses de amar!
Mas eu prefiro arriscar a minha sorte
Do que te ver entregue ah morte.
Embora as vezes eu tenha errado
Nao quer dizer que nao te tenha respeitado!
Fazemos mal porque esta na nossa natureza
Mas nunca foi para te prejudicar,
disso dou-te a certeza.
Eu nunca te quis fazer sofrer!
Nao bebas, nao quero que vas tu morrer!
Quando te vir, vou sentir embarasso
Mas espero de ti, apenas um enorme abraco!
Espero que nao olhes p'ra isto como uma ofensa
Mas como um desabafo de quem te quer bem!!
Trata bem da mae, da-lhe flores e amor,
E aproveita o que de melhor o mundo tem.

~ It'S GoiNG To Be AlriGhT ~

The day we said good bye,
Made me want to die,
I never wanted you to leave me,
Yet I knew you couldn't see,
Why I wanted you to stay by me,
I never told you before,
Because I was too busy falling to the floor,
I didn't want you to see my tears,
I guess I didn't think you'd want to hear,
How much I loved you how many tears I shed,
Lying down depressed in bed,
The day you told me you were leaving me,
I decided there could never again be a we,
I guess we should part into our own separate ways,
Since no person is here forever to stay,
But before you leave I just want to say,
I'll always love you
even when your 1,000 miles away.


Those nights I cried myself to sleep,
All those secrets that I've had to keep,
Those lies I've had to tell,
Those times I had to go through hell.
Nothing's going to be the same,
now I live my life in shame,
hiding my pain, the truth behind my eyes,
This fake smile has been my disguise.
I can't lie about it anymore,
Keeping from all, is you I adore.
Embarrassment is what you made me feel,
The only thing that valued to me you had to steal.
Does anybody notice the truth I hide?
Does anybody know about the tears I've cried?
This lie about my past,
my truth that I've never surpassed.
I'm trying to be strong,
Trying to tell myself that I did nothing wrong,
It has been how many years,
yet in my dreams you still appear,
This is who I am
the girl, you know, [damn]
The girl who spent the nights crying,
The poor girl who felt like dying,
Who can love me now?
How can you love me, tell me how?


Why are you the sun to my soul?
The one that wakes me
through the shades of my window.
When the nights were so long
and my dreams into limbo.
Sent for me from up above
Kept in my life to be the one I love
...truly sensing your touch,
A feeling that I have longed for so much.
Why are you the sun to my soul?
Sent to wake me up from my slumber,
a feeling that has left me to wonder...
Why are you the sun to my soul?
Was it meant for me to catch your rays,
Upon my skin that caress every whim of me?
Will we agree with mom says
There's more to life, and I shall see...
In bed I lie all day thinking of you,
And what the heck should I finally do...
while I sleep and awake to the thought of the feel,
Just wishing, that thought would be a second so real.


Skin-pale color, Lips so full of life,
Eyes that cut into your soul
Just like through skin would a knife...
explain exactly who I am.
Soft-spoken voice,
a breeze of peppermint gum,
and that would be my choice...
And so would be, sounding like I'm dumb.
Words spoken in a language
That may never be understood
Well, maybe some, would...
A mark that resembles the blood of a strawberry,
As god took a bite,
Another resembles hope and victory
And this would be our flag (sigh)
Brings out ignorance in others
- Hey! We can't be all "brothers"
Attention to me,
great nation, u'll see
Hatred towards you,
Yes, you will see too. -
Leaves me speechless with things assumed
Being born, I'm doomed.
It's something that makes me unique...
Tired of trying to explain myself, leading
I love to read, sing, dance, AH! writing...
I'd know more then them even when I blink
Let them think what they want to think.


I want to walk to the middle of nowhere
Just sit there and stare at the sky
Because maybe in the middle of nowhere
time doesn't have to fly by...
I want to live beneath the ocean
Where my tears will blend with the water
and your memory will drown with mine
I want to jump higher and higher
I want to have the suns shine!
Running to the middle of nowhere
Where I'll slowly fade into nothing
A nothing, something divine
I want to live every moment
and not be here at the same time!
Can someone explain what I'm thinking?
Is this normal of a being?
To see these things I'm seing?!
Is your thought following...
'Cause mine is lost in nowhere
As it can't be held by hand
You're asking where is there?
Nowhere! Just where I stand.

Don't worry about tomorrow
Even though the sun ain't out today
Hold on to your future
And forget about yesterday
Though tomorrow isn't promised
Just keep on thinking ahead
Don't give up because you're tired
Don't give up until you're dead
Don't worry yourself!
See you're going to be okay
This rain won't last forever
There's going to be a brighter day
As long as we got each other
And a bit of luck is on our side
Don't worry about tomorrow
It's going to be all right.

.

.

.

.

I'm a figment of ones imagination.. [sigh]

"A vida e uma peca de teactro que nao permite ensaios."

Somehow, my life has a sense of humor.
There were 2 essential things in my life: Love and Portuguese. And eventually, I'll end up losing both.

Isn't that incredible?

For what? Money? Or is it what I once heard, LIFESTYLE? [lol!]
Is it worth it? In the end? Is it worth it?

I see the big picture. Do you?
Med school, I'll have the credibility that some have.
I'll be able to help.
To have.
To give.
To take.

I'm 19yrs old why do I have to make it so complicated and unhappy on myself?
If all life takes it's a bit of courage? Sacrifice...

When I die, will I look at the great things I did? And appreciate the fact I took this road I chose?
Or will I carry the heavy cross of letting go what once was everything to me?

For a long time, I haven't felt this way.

For some reason I had a nightmare I was at my mom's and someone died. I had all my friends and family around. [never saw who actually died...];

This morning when I woke up, I found out my dad had a major heart attack, but he's alright.

My mom was talking to me on the phone, and even tho the circumstances, I felt happy. We had such a peaceful talk. It was like being her little girl again.
She was so concerned. She asked me to drop it and leave.

"It's more than normal to let go, and you're so young..."

What she meant was...

"It's not normal to let go of us, and you're so unhappy..."

I could hear in her voice. That's the voice she would have when I used to say I wanted more out of life... That I had to leave, 'cause there would have to be more out there than that!

It's funny 'cause I ended up crying on the phone and telling her I was so sorry; what a good mother she always was. Thank her for all the love and education she somewhat gave me.
That I feel proud of her. And that I miss her. That the things I was always talking about of looking for, were with me all along, I just never realized.

I'm so ungrateful. And I never appreciated anything. She always tried go out of her way to keep me happy. I just never saw it with this perspective.

There are some decisions in life, that have to be made out of love. Not, false pretensions.
I'm worse than I thought. And I stick with it, over pride.
I feel so ignorant.

Now I have things that everyone wants. And I'm not satisfied.
It hurts. 'Cause for a second there I actually thought I had fooled me.
Why do I have to think?

I'm going insane.

Life is so short and the only we have... How do you live with your decisions?

And to end all this, I must say, I try...

Moonlight Sonata [by Ludwig Van Beethoven]

"It seems like it's telling the story of my life;

Once Upon a Time..."

.

.
..

.

She AlMoSt FeLt ThiS WaY

Promised to be here in this night,
Dressed in pearls and crowned a bride,
But my love has lost his need,
To have me as his everything,
Anothers eye's have caught his lips,
Soft and tender as they kiss,
He shared our bed with her silky skin,
Now and never can I forgive,
But need I not for he has gone,
And left this shadow all alone,
Plunging now into my death,
Forsaking love my final breath.

~(...)OnCe UpOn @ TiMe I WaS FaLlinG In LoVe NoW I'm F234567 FaLliNG Ap@rT(...)~

I couldn't resist putting this song on my blog.

The song itself is great. But the word "F234567" added to it, it's just, priceless.


"(...) [turn around], every now and then I get a little bit terrified of seing the f234567 look in your eyes. [turn around...] Every now and then I fall apart, f234567 every now and then I fall apart. And I need you now tonight I f234567 need you more than ever(...)"


OMFG!

~Inside Joke~

Is it a "thing" of best friends to have inside jokes?
Wheather the answer is a yes or a no; this one
always "makes" my day:

sTeWie:
"PETER! Those are cheerios..."

.

.

.

.

~As ReQueSTeD by "Stewie" ThiS POeM Is DeDiCaTeD ToOo My DaD~

Dad I really love you,
And that's coming from the heart
But I've kept this inside way to long,
You've torn my world apart!
Drugs have ruled your actions
And they're ruining your life
You're missing the satisfaction
Of a wonderful life.
You're missing the beauty life holds for you
And I wish that you would see
You're missing the only chance you'll have
To be a real model for me.
Through all the pain I've grown stronger
And also a little wise.
You've put me through a lot
For a girl my size.
I know inside it's painful,
And it must be really hard.
To act like you've got it all together,
You could win an academy award.
You blame other people
For the flaws that you've known
You always make excuses
Why we can't be alone.
It's only a simple drug test
There's really no alarm
To make sure your heads clear
So you can keep me from harm.
Going to the courthouse
It is just a little ride
It shouldn't be a problem
If you've nothing to hide.
The reason for the drug test
Is to show that your drug free
And the reward you get for passing it
Is to be with me.
My friends don't understand
How can you be this way
They ask why you choose drugs over me
And this is what I say;
I tell them you have a disease
And that you're really sick.
If it wasn't for the illness,
I'd be the one you'd pick.
I tell them it's really powerful,
And you can no longer feel -
The same feelings we all do -
You can't distinguish what is real.
I explained it affects those close to you
And messes with your head
And those who choose not to get help,
Usually end up dead.
Some people get help sooner
And start to get well
But some just don't want it
And live a life of hell.
They loose sight of what life's all about
Their priorities are misplaced
They numb their minds and bodies
To everyday problems we all face.
They're accountable to no one
As soon they stop growing
They always hurt the ones they love
And money they end up blowing.
They think their entitled
To everything they desire.
And by all those around them
They want to be admired.
Those that don't admire them,
Are usually the ones that get the blame,
the ones that want them to get help,
Isn't that a shame?
They act like everything's alright
And there is nothing to hide.
They become afraid to ask for help
This is called false pride.
Theirselves, bursting all the wounds
Inflicted on the ones that care
And all the secrets they hold inside
Become a heavy cross to bear.
The cross gets heavier and heavier
Until they can no longer stand
With chemicals they numb the pain
Rather than asking for a hand.
It's a disease and there's a cure
That I know, for sure.
This maybe be a little selfish
And I'm thinking way ahead
But one day I may need your guidance
Can you help me if your dead?
I'm still quit young and the time may come
When I might choose the wrong road
We need to work on you first
So you can help me carry my load.
I may need help getting back
To the pathway to heaven above
So if you are already on the good path
You can lead me to Gods love.
I am here to help you
And I wanted to say
I won't enable you anymore
By acting like it's "okay".
I want a real dad
One that's drugs free
But I realize you can't do it
Just for me...
I know you think you love me
But to our hearts we must be true
You are incapable of loving anyone
Until you first love you.
You don't have to hurt the ones you love
You don't have to take, you can give
You can be honest, trustworthy & pure
And have a great life to live.
You know I love you dad
Love surges from the heart
But respect is something you must earn
And this would be a good start.
I'm not going to beg,
I'm not going to plea
But think how great your life could be
You could spend it with me.
I was scared you wouldn't love me
Of telling you what I just said
But I'll take the chance and say it now
Rather than risk you being dead.
Dad I really love you
You'll always be in my heart
I've kept this inside too long
And now, I've said my part.

(crying)

~Hope~

On Sundays, I listened in the very front pew
As the preacher told us how much “God sure loves you”
And “God is our father” and since fathers are love,
Children would understand the love from above.
The children in church smiled at fathers who beamed,
Yet I sat alone, and just wanted to scream.
I’m sure Pastor Mateus believed that a child
Would equate Father God to a dad’s love so mild.
But for me, I related a God who was mean;
Who would find me and shake me and spoil all my dreams.
For if God our Father is like dad on earth,
I didn’t want to know Him; too much would it hurt.

Growing up poor in the smallest of towns,
I never had much - just my mother around.
But Mama was busy – much too busy for me.
She had to work hard for her children to eat.
When Dad wasn’t drunk, he was loosening his belt,
Relieving his stress causing his children welts.
My father’s large hands were a frightening sight -
Not for caressing, but for fists poised for fight.
No one to love me, and no one to care.
I wailed to the heavens, hoping God would just hear
The cries of abandonment (as broken hearts do),
Yet there came no answer. God abandoned me, too.

The decades will pass. Mom and Dad, then.
Yet my unhealed scars won't be buried with them.
That burden I carry will not be released.
And often I tried to be deceased.
Of all my emotions, not one has been joyful or free.
I lived off the anger that burns inside me.
No one to love me, and no one to care,
Until finally I found someone wondefully rare
Who taught me of love and fullfillment and joy,
That will make me a mother of a sweet little boy.
For IF God's love is bigger than the love I now know.
When I cradle my son and feel joy as he grows -
Then the pastor was right about a "parent's love",
And the best of all dads - God, the Father above.

~WoNdErS~

Quao verdadeiro eh o amor, que em nos permanece mesmo que em vao?

~ estudo ~ trabalho ~

Ha kem de sua vida n tenha nada a dizer
P/ ser demasiado aborrecida, talvez
Eh algo que me faz entrestecer
De quando em vez..

Afinal de contas
Sao pessoas tontas...
Mas com quem tenho de lidar
Epah, a isso, chamam de trabalhar!

Pessoas que sentem solidao
Escondidas no presente
So falam por detras da gente

So assim tem razao.
Acho triste, serem assim...
E terem de o ser, falando de mim.

~~ wisdom ~~

With time you learn that is wise to say you don't know anything. You begin to realize that pretending you are dumb is definitly one of the most fun things to do in life.

I always tried to live life not like the others... act, live like all the other people, but over trying so hard, I started to play the game myself. Playing with grown A$$ peoples feelings, emotions, just because I didn't want to be "just another"... When all I was doing was being "another".

You look back in time, and all "great" (genious) people in history needed people to become known but they didn't need "people" at all. At least, not to be who they trully were. (socrates, jesus, etc...)

You don't need to be the smartest to have great ideas and make people understand them.
You don't need to be beautiful for people to love you.
You don't need to be rich to have the best things life offers you.
You neither have to be less then all these things mentioned above,...
... you just need to be who you are.

Be Wise.

~~Imagination~~

Bem... numa noite de pouco sono, esta semana passada, estava eu a olhar o tecto, como muitas vezes olho.
Numa parteleira junto a parede, aos "pes" da cama (expressao muitas vezes utilizada pela minha mae); estava la sentada uma caixa. E apos ler o livro "O Mundo de Sofia" (recomendo), la me deu asas a imaginacao. Como devem saber, eh relativamente fertil.
Bem, voltando a caixa... eu fechei o olho esquerdo, e com o olho direito apontei o meu indicador em frente ah caixa. Ao fechar o olho direito e ao abrir o olho esquerdo, eh obvio que o dedo nao vai estar em frente ah caixa, vai ficar +/- no lado esquerdo inferior ah caixa.
Mas isto, ja todos nos sabemos, agora... se abres os dois olhos, podes escolher qual a perspectiva que queres ver o dedo, primeiro ficas a ver "dois dedos" por uns instantes mas no final... so ves "um dos dedos".
Agora, a caixa eh ideias, vamos chamar-lhe a caixa das ideias.
Os dedos, bem - mal.
Os olhos, perspectivas.

Ao olhares as ideias, olhas com que? Com as perspectivas; que por conseguinte te leva a analizar os dois polos (bem - mal). Como expliquei a cima acabas por ser tu a escolher qual dos "dedos" queres "ver", mesmo que vejas por uns instantes os "dois" dedos. (na realidade so ha um dedo para ser visto, uma daquelas perspectivas eh distorcida);
Acreditas no que queres acreditar? Porque na realidade nao ha nada para acreditar?

Agnostico... :)

Sim, so se ama uma vez...

Eu amei... amei bastante.
Amei tanto que nem penso nisso, e sempre que penso, tento nao pensar.
Amei aquele corpinho, que nem tamanho de homem tinha (normalmente, os homens tendem a ser relativamente mais altos); amei aqueles olhos, que mais pareciam farois, que luziam sempre que me olhavam, aquele olhar meigo que me fazia sentir quietude; amei, amei aqueles labios doces e fofos, saciaveis ao meu desejo; Amei, as orelhinhas... tao queridas... ai, como me recordo... o nariz, nao tao perfeito.. mas amoroso...
Amei o ser mortal e cabeludo... Amei o menino, o rapaz, o homem... Amei tanto, ao ponto de deixar.

" (...) sometimes, you just have to let it go (...)"

Tudo acontece por uma razao, e embora agora pareca tudo uma grande loucura, o tempo, de certo, trara muitas respostas... Aquelas, que agora parecem nao fazer sentido nenhum.
Eu sei muito bem como vou olhar o meu passado daqui a 30 anos...
E sei muito bem como me vou sentir daqui a 30 anos...
40 anos, 50 anos,...
... mas tambem sei para onde caminho,...

Eu cometi tantos erros! Eu brinquei com vidas de pessoas crescidas.. por inseguranca, por medo,...
... mas cresci. E amei, primordialmente.



(hei-de continuar isto noutro dia)


Nem sempre os finais tristes nos filmes, sao por mal... (ha males que vem por bem)

You'll Think Of Me

Don't try to delete me from your life because for awhile in your heart I'm going to live.
Those little and insignificant details are going to persist, resist, 'cause they were to grand for us, to just forget.

And everytime, you give a step, in your busy and stupid life, those same details, are going to be there, U'll see. The sweet look, the smile, the soft tights, the sensual voice, the body, the soul, or anything like that, imediatly, is going to make you... think of me.

I'd assume that some other woman might be whispering in your ear, words of love like many times I tried, but I doubt it, I doubt that she'll have as much love as I have... and in all those moments, you are going to... think of me.

And when the night falls, and the moon and the stars embrace you, and silence surrounds
your room, before you go to sleep you're going to seek my image. In the frame beside your bed, it's not me that is smiling, even tho it's my laugh you hear; And all this is going to make you... Think of me.

If the fingers that touch your body caress you just like I did... Don't say anything.
If the lips that taste your skin aren't mine... Don't say anything.
Be careful, don't say my name while you slightly moan; thinking that is love that you feel in that instant, desperate, you try until the end, but even in that magic moment, you will... Think of me.

I know that all these details, will vanish in this long road ahead of us. Time tends to transform a unique love in almost nothing. But this is also another detail, because a love story like ours, it's not going to die just like that...
...therefore, now and then... You'll Think Of Me.

ab aeterno - abnormis sapiens

Dicitur: Dictum sapienti sat est.

Dicere quae puduit, scribere iussit amor diem ex die. Dum loquimor fugerit invida aetas;

Diligentia maximum etiam mediocris ingeni subsidium.

Difficile est tenere quae acceperis nisi exerceas, adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit..

..Ad utrumque paratus!

>alienum est onme quicquid optando evenit<

DAMNANT QUODNON INTELLIGUNT

(sigh) - suspiro

Vou vagueando por entre estas almas perdidas neste mundo.
Onde tudo parece tao certo, anda tao errado; o que parece tao errado seria tao certo..
Conheco-vos muito bem, vos que andais por ai;
Tudo e tao gelado, tao sem jeito. Esfriada, sinto-me tao vazia.
Encontrei-te a ja algum tempo. Olhei-te nesses olhos de aguia, que dao asas ao meu pensamento, sempre que me recordo de ti.
De certo que aquecer-me-ias, nas noites de Inverno que ja passaram, como me manterias companhia nestas noites de Verao que iram passar. Nada ira ficar, muito menos este momento em que escrevo, ou o instante que passou... Este tempo, foge.
Foge, como se algo lhe tentasse agarrar; que nem borboleta, estas morrem.
Sei muito bem o que quero, e esta quietude que se esvai de quando em vez, apoquenta-me.
Nada faz sentido quando nao estas, ou quando estas...
Eh incrivel como tudo desvanesce aquando de nos, como nos tornamos tao egocentricos. Tudo deixa de ser o problema, passamos a ser o problema, melhor, a resolucao.
Perder-me nos teus bracos, eh como cair no leito, que me acolhe todos os dias... onde me escondo por entre as pecas de tecido quentes, macias,... e me sinto segura, sempre que fecho ligeiramente os olhos e penso em ti. Abracas-me de um modo tao doce...
O teu sorriso, eh como o sol de cada dia. Ilumina-me. Sempre me faz sorrir, ver-te assim. Com esse olhar de satisfeito, sempre que me ves.
Esse teu ar de compreendido, isola-me.
Eu amo o teu jeito e tudo o que este carrega.
Eu amo-te porque ninguem me sabe amar melhor que tu; e nao por ser uma obrigacao, mas uma escolha fantastica.
E por saberes muito bem o que acolhes, e viveres de acordo com isso.
"Que a determinacao faca sempre parte das nossas vidas."

Nao acaba...

Não, não tentes apagar-me da tua vida porque durante muito tempo no teu coração, eu vou viver.
Aqueles detalhes, tão pequenos e insignificantes de nós dois vão persistir, resistir, porque são coisas muito grandes para esquecer.
E a cada passo que deres, nessa tua vida tonta, agitada, vão estar presentes… vais ver. O olhar meigo, o sorriso, as coxas macias e acetinadas, a voz embargada, o corpo, a alma, ou qualquer outra coisa assim, imediatamente, vão fazer-te… lembrar de mim.
Calculo que outra mulher deva estar a sussurrar ao teu ouvido, palavras de amor como eu sussurrei, mas eu duvido… duvido que ela tenha tanto amor e até as metáforas do meu português ruim, e em todos esses momentos…vais-te lembrar de mim.
À noite, quando a lua e as estrelas entrarem pela janela e envolverem o silêncio do teu quarto, antes de dormir procuras a minha imagem. Mas da moldura não sou eu quem te sorri, apesar disso, ouves as minhas gargalhadas mesmo assim, e tudo isto vai fazer-te… lembrar de mim.
Se os dedos de alguém tocarem o teu corpo como eu... não digas nada.
Quando a boca que te saborear o sal da pele, não for a minha... nada digas.
Cuidado…. para não gemeres o meu nome baixinho, sem querer, à pessoa errada… Pensando que é amor o que sentes nesse instante, desesperado, tentas até o fim… e até nesse momento mágico… vais-te lembrar de mim.
Eu sei que todos estes detalhes vão evaporar-se na longa estrada.
O tempo tem o dom de transformar um grande amor em quase nada.
Mas também é mais um detalhe, uma história de amor como a nossa, não vai morrer assim… por isso, de vez em quando… vais-te lembrar de mim.

Morre, mas antes...

Lutar uma vida
Sofrer momentos
Viver sentimentos
Acordar entristecida.
Realizar accoes
Sobreviver a desilusoes
Desejar amar eternamente..
Passar o tempo indefinido
E chorar um presente
Querer o tempo perdido.
Cacar uma esperanca
Recordar uma lembranca
Reviver um passado
Em que te senti a meu lado.
Sonhar utopicamente
Com um futuro que poderia ser diferente
Nao fosse este meu amarro ao que ja foi...
Que no fundo, ainda doi.
Esta ferida que perdura
Dizem que o amor nao tem cura.
Ora, sinto-me revoltada
Sera odio, amor exaltado?
Amor abandonado?
Deveria estar calada..
Pouco sei, mas sei assim...
Que um dia vou olhar p'ra mim
Com olhos e amor profundo
Irei viver no (branco) mundo
Contente, alegre, feliz,
O que irao dizer? Criticar?
Tao pouco eh o que me diz.
N ha espaco pra isso quando se va amar.
Morre muito de nos concerteza,
Mas nasce muito mais
Amor eh uma fortaleza
Que nao sei se sera entao
Pequena demais, grande demais
Ou demais p'ra mim?!
Vivo entao nesta incerteza, enfim
Nesta insatisfacao...

De nao ter o que nao quero;
De viver uma vida que nao pedi..
Uma morte desejada mas temida
Uma vida sem porto seguro, onde atracar
Onde me refugiar...
Onde possa chorar, rir, gemer, gritar, dancar, etc.

O meu amor, o meu unico amor,
Tirar-me-a da duvida...
Do medo...
Aquando disso acontecer,
Poderei dizer
Valeu a pena nascer
E ser predestinada a uma morte...
Pois so isso impossibilitar-me-a
De ser carregada por outra sorte.



Num desabafo, que acabaram por mencionar ser relativamente suicida, mencionei:
"Para que vivemos? Para morrer."
Agora, evidencio:
"Deixai-nos morrer; Primordialmente, amando."

Inspiracao Instantanea

Sinto-me diferente,
Consciencia do "Ser".
Quem diz ser feliz, mente.
Porque ser consciente
Eh ser infeliz sempre...
P'la insatisfacao que eh morrer.

Summer 06

Apos o degredo deste verao
Em que me senti perdida
Analiso a situacao
Onde me encontro, nao vejo saida.

Rodeada de insatisfacao
Apoderada pela tristeza
sera que tenho coracao?
Ja nem tenho a certeza.

Vejo-me toda cercada
Ignorada pela amizade
Sera muito ser amada
E desejar por estabilidade? (ha!)

Ofertas, dissabores, conselho
Eh o que mais me tem oferecido...
Tanto que me dao, e nao merecido.
Que desilusao a olhar o espelho.

Tento viver;
Trabalhar, cansar-me em demasia
Sinto-me a sobreviver...
Amor, eh so o que queria.

Pretendentes? Estes nao vao falhar,
Eh uma certeza infinda,
hum, ate os dentes nao comecarem a faltar!
O que nao acontece ainda.

Vivem cegos pela beldade exterior,
Pela mera questao de estatuto?
Eh ser encaminhada pelo o amor
O objectivo para que luto.

Odeio desrespeitar
E ter de chamar alguem ignorante
Mas quando me vem com teorias de "Amar"...
Como se fosse algo constante...

Haja juizo..

Sorry but I Love You

My life has changed
Since we met
Sometimes I'm mean
Which I regret.

Usually 'please, thanks and sorry'
Aren't words I 'speak'
(wait, I got to go pee
What a freak..)

I love you for who you are
You're my 'boo'
Not even for a star
If I'd give up on you.

I wish you were here
Even far seems u're near
I just want some touch
I've never felt love as such.

You don't say you love me often
Will I ever be forgotten?
Don't you ever put me on the 'shelf'
Always keep me for yourself.

Do you understand I care for you?
Sometimes I say things out of my mouth
I know you mind...
... love is difficult to find.

I hope you know how I feel
How I want this to be real
You tend to push me away
When all I want is you to stay.

Do you think this ain't true?
'Yes!' And that makes me blue...
I need you more than flowers need sun
I miss you so much 'hun'.

I'm not asking you to forget
I'm asking you to forgive
Just let me know when you're set
When you're willing to give.

Do not take this as disrespect
But sorry is never perfect.

Don't go..

Where am I?
Some other land??!
It seems like we have our own world
When I hold your hand.
I've seen your tears
You've scared away my fears.
Once again it's you and me
Just like it used to be.
If you don't know
If you should stay...
Please don't blow
This feeling away.
It has been awhile
Since I last saw you smile.
If you go now I understand,
If you stay, I got a plan,
Let's make memory.
Let's make history.
I love you today
I'll love you tomorrow
Through all the pain
and all the sorrow.
Do I deserve you?
No way in hell..
But I'll do my best
To treat you well.
You're the only one for me
I've never been more sure.
Before you,
my life was blur.
Now I know what I must do
It's Never Stop Loving You.

Cat

Cat bought a cat.
She named the cat, Cat.
Cat yells at Cat, 'cause Cat is a silly cat.
Cat scratches Cat, 'cause Cat is a cat, and cats don't like to be yelled at.
Cat almost smacks Cat, it's not like the cat knows what it's doing.
Cat is just a cat; Cat has to understand.
Cat likes Cat, or else, why would she buy the cat in the first place?!
Strange someone named Cat, name her cat, Cat, no?
I find it funny - I like both Cats - the Cat person, and the Cat pet.
Finally Cat is starting to get along with Cat, afterall, Cat is adorable. (which one?) lol


Some people just have to much time on their hands, and I guess I'm one of those people. lol

Lazy Eye

"I've been waiting
i've been waiting for this moment all my life
but it's not quite right

and this 'real'
it's impossible if possible
at who's blind word
so clear but so unheard

i've been waiting
i've been waiting for this silence all night long
it's just a matter of time

to appear sad
with the same 'ol decent lazy eye
fixed to rest on you
aim free and so untrue

everyone's so intimately rearranged
everyone can focus clearly with such shine
everyone's so intimately rearranged
everyone can focus clearly with that shine

lost and loaded
still the same 'ol decent lazy eye
straight through your gaze

that's why i said i relate
i said we relate
it's so fun to relate

it's the room the sun and the sky
it's the room the sun and the sky

i've been waiting
i've been waiting for this moment."

Reason

"I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know:

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you.

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear:

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you(,,,)"

Better off alone

I understand your point of view
For letting me go
but I thought you had more faith
Everything I've done for you
You made the mistakes
and now you throw this in my face..
And I've worked so hard for you
all of this time
and You've cast me aside
I understand ur point of view.

But I can't seem to get my head around
all the things that I feel good about
always seem to disappear..
And everytime I think I've this all worked out
something chews me up and spits me out
but theres nothing else to feel,
I'm better alone my dear.

You couldn't pick a better time
to give me the news;
Why don't you kick me when I'm down?
I always believed in you,
Defended your name..
...but you have not been true.
I gave you so much of my life
Have compromised and you tell me goodbye
You couldn't pick a better time.

I know I really should thank you
for "setting" me free..
It's really amazing the changes
I'm starting to feel..
It's not going to be long
'till I'm feeling strong..
To be like I used to be.
Still I wonder
if u wish... you had me.

Love Is In The AIR - lol - (not)

Did I tell you what I had to say?

Did I get jealous? Once...?

Yet, (smiles) Love is more than that!

I don't feel jealous, empty, nothing.. And everything.
You wouldn't understand...
You don't understand...

I feel disappointed... 'cause I've always thought love was mutual.
I guess I was wrong?
All this made me realize I'm still human and alive!... :)

You can feel PASSION, OBSESSION, FRIENDSHIP... Now, Love?

Love is INTENSE.
Love? There is no jealousy in love... 'cause there's no need to...
Love is TRUST.
Love is eternal, I said once, I meant it.
It is eternal, it's also irreplaceable.
Doesn't give space for a MIGHT or a MAYBE... :)
Love, is unique.
Doesn't care about the others.
Love, doesn't need the others.
You don't love someone because they are your OTHER HALF but because THEY ARE THE HALF.
Love doesn't want fakers, doesn't want strangers.
Love doesn't ALLOW it.
Love is Belief.
Love is Everything.
Love is life and death.
Love is what it takes.
Love makes you insane.
To feel it you have to be it.
You have to believe it. :)
Love? Why feel sad when you feel love? It's worth loving!
Is it worth spending a lifetime waiting for someone than never wait for no one at all?

I can't explain through words,... I can explain living...

To live for?

I found, Love.
I found, Life :)
I found, Myself
I found, You.

Bem haja...

Sou não sou uma jovem uma velha de 20 de 80 anos; estou não estou sentada de pé num banco não banco de pau de pedra; leio não leio um jornal diário nocturno com letras sem letras à luz escura de uma vela apagada acesa; este jornal diz que não diz que mais vale não valer perder a vida que morrer.

Amizade...

Vejamos, ha varios ditados que se aplicam a "amigos".

Um dita: "Quem tem muitos amigos nao tem nenhum."
Por varios motivos este ditado eh correcto.
Quando tens muitos amigos, por mais parecidos contigo que eles sejam, ha sempre diferencas, e de todos esses amigos eh impossivel determinar as diferencas entre eles e tu. Se estes sao muitos.
Consegues repetir tudo sobre ti a varias pessoas no mesmo dia? A menos que todas elas estejam a ouvir-te ao mesmo tempo? E depois com tantas pessoas, umas mais perto outras mais longe, corres o risco de ser mal ouvido?
Ou com todas akelas diferencas que nao tomaste atencao por teres tantos amigos, ate mesmo, poderas ser, mal interpretado? :)
Poderas ter ate amigos que sejam amigos dos teus inimigos... ?

"Nao troques os velhos amigos pelos novos, pois estes, valem sempre menos"

Como disse Richard Bach um dia: "Conheceras melhor os teus amigos em curtos instantes do que conhecidos em muitos longos momentos da tua vida.."

lol... amigos ha poucos?
Dizia eu a um amigo... que os amigos sao amigos, independentemente do tempo que os conheces, onde os conheceste, porque meio os conheceste, etc.
Na verdade isto deveria adaptar-se ao teu PRIMEIRO amigo. Sim, porque eu lembro-me de ter conhecido o meu MELHOR AMIGO (esses existem) e tinha amigos na altura, alias, tinha muitos amigos... a verdade eh que, de todos esses amigos, fui perdendo contacto com eles... deixando de falar, deixando de os ver, com a distancia e por outros motivos, ja nao falo com aqueles amigos, mas continuo a falar com este meu melhor amigo. Depois de o ter conhecido, outros tantos conheci... outros tantos deixei de falar, outros falava, falei, falo... falarei? Contudo...

Amigo? Tenho.
Amigos? Vou tendo?!

Costumo dizer que a vida nao pode ser vivida em meio-termo, e varios factos e evidencias levam a esta conclusao.
Um deles eh nao se poder estar meio-morto. Ou estas vivo, ou estas morto.
Ou, o arco-iris nao ser cinzento (meio-termo entre preto e branco...);
Nao se vive a vida, atraves de um QUASE. "Quem quase morreu, esta vivo. Quem quase viveu, morreu."
Logo, a amizade eh de dois polos. Na verdade, se analisarem, quando entra um terceiro para a historia (amizade), qualquer que esta seja, ou ate mesmo um FIGURANTE.. estraga.
Comecam as telenovelas, os conflitos.. os stresses.

"Os amigos sao como as estrelaS, NEM SEMPRE OS VEMOS mas, estao sempre la"

Eh verdade, a amizade supera tudo.
Ate a distancia. Os contratempos. As mentiras. As verdades.
A amizade eh eterna.

E so porque alguem nao gosta de ti da forma como esperas, nao quer dizer que esse alguem, nao te adore com tudo o que pode/tem; ou que esse alguem nao seja teu amigo...

Por isso, agradeco aqui, ao meu amigo, por ser meu amigo.

Biblia.. (pensamento)

Vejamos... a biblia diz que O UNICO CAMINHO para entrar no Reino dos Ceus eh ACREDITAR que JESUS CRISTO se sacrificou por nos!? (nos, humanidade...);

"Luke, Chapter 23" conta a passagem em que Jesus foi crucificado e, em cada lado, dois criminosos...
Em que um diz: "Se es Deus... porque nao te salvas a ti e a nos?"
... e o outro diz: "cala-te... n ves que nos estamos aqui porque cometemos um crime mas Ele nao fez mal nenhum... eh Deus todo poderoso... que se esta a sacrificar por Nos..."
O criminoso que diz... que Jesus esta a sacrificar-se por nos EH ACEITE NO CEU porque antes de morrer, Jesus diz-lhe: SO PLO SIMPLES FACTO DE TER ACREDITADO... QUE JESUS ESTAVA A FAZER AQUILO POR NOS (desde ja, podemos concluir, que sera a unica maneira de entrar no Ceu... se o criminoso apos... todos os erros que cometeu na sua vida... so por acreditar nisso foi salvo.. entao quer dizer que qualquer outra pessoa... tambem...!!);

Ora bem, numa situacao em que eu estivesse a ser crucificada na cruz ao lado de jesus... eu diria o mesmo...
Afinal de contas... ele nao merecia tar ali ... so por ter uma opiniao diferente... so por acreditar em algo diferente... (NEM OS CRIMINOSOS... PORQUE... ninguem tem o direito de matar ninguem!! Por mais mal que facam... afinal de contas, nao somos nos que CRIAMOS a Vida... logo, nao devemos tira-la; nem a nossa nem a de ninguem.)

Seria Jesus Narcisista ao ponto de se julgar BOM DEMAIS para ser um mero MORTAL?!?! Seria ele... Egocentrico demais? Teria ele medo de ser tao insignificante? Estaria ele farto da repugnancia ao seu redor? Nos, conscientes, tambem nao pensamos assim? Nao podemos ser Jesus Cristo porque ja houve um? ah milhares de anos?

Prosseguindo com a historia da Biblia, verdade ou mentira?

Se tudo fosse uma grande mentira que Jesus Cristo tenha inventado... nao teria ele desistido de mentir quando o comecaram a executar? Mas e se ele estava obcecado, e era um louco... e acreditava na sua opiniao pla sua vida? Bom, a verdade eh que qualquer um de nos vai morrer, nao teve ele a coragem de morrer (mais cedo) para provar que ha pessoas boas? E que nem tudo tem de ser tao mau? Para evidenciar as Suas palavras?! E induzir mais sentimento? Provocando ressentimento a quem o matou sem razao??
(ha quem morra por ideias, e pelos vistos, ha tambem quem o faca por ideais)

Conclusao...: (eu tenho de me ir embora)

lol
-> Jesus Cristo, EXISTIU!
-> Jesus Cristo, morreu pla Humanidade!(sao factos)
A questao nao eh... se Jesus Cristo existiu e muito menos se morreu por nos, porque obviamente ele nao ia levar com chicotes e ser crucificado, sem negar uma mentira, se nao acreditasse mesmo que poderia eventualmente mudar o mundo com aquele acto! ... mas sim, seria ele mesmo Filho de Deus? E ACASO, seja sim a resposta, nao somos todos?!?

Eu estou feliz, sou irma de um gajo corajoso, astuto e... imortal! (nas mentes da Humanidade)!

Amigos

Os amigos sao eternos, certo?
Os quase amigos foram um incerto.
Os nao amigos sao uma desilusao......
Mas ainda bem que o sao;

Sem estes, os outros nao seriam.
Sem os outros, estes nao partiam...
Mas, a vida e assim:
Ate os "amigos" tem um fim.

Amigo, amigo... que me les... :)
Que me ajudas...
Que es Calmon, e nao Judas...

Que me ves! - de quando em vez...
-Onde estas? Que vais fazer?
Se tao bem ja me sabes... ler...




<> Citacao: Os teus amigos conhecer-te-ao melhor, em minutos, do que outros te conhecerao numa vida inteira... (by Richard Bach)

Palavras p'ra que?!

I have to tell you the truth...

I have to tell you the truth,
Against my better judgement,
At the risk of sounding like a fool,
And I haven’t the slightest care what you’ll think of me.
I’m in love
Yes that’s right,
I’ve fallen in love with you
After that one time
After those few words.
You have managed to romance me,
Capture my mind,
And steal this heart of mine
Which is now yours for the taking.
Would you dare
Will you even look at me anymore
Now that you see the woman that I am
I am a foolish, love sick, romantic
Who longs to look in your eyes
Only to see if your heart
Will tell me the same about you
I’m now trapped in this dream
Where we finally kiss
So you can know who I am
And what I feel
And your voice,
Trust me, my love,
I would rip the voices away from a million souls
Just to hear how beautiful you sound.
Just to hear what you have to say to me.
Would I hear your laughter
Would you ridicule me for what my heart is going through
Would I hear you cry,
As you already know we can never be
And you can not stand to break my heart.
Or would I hear silence,
For I have taken your breath away
And we are already lost in each others eyes
And our lips are already touching,
And true love has already enslaved our bodies.
Or would you softly take my hand
And sit this fool down,
As you so tenderly say to me:
"I have to tell you the truth…"

~Needy~

How is life fair?
You don't want me to say it's done.
You know I'll always be there
Love me when I'm gone.
I need hugs, I need kisses
I need him to say it's me he misses.
I need, Oh I need love...
I need all the things from above...
I need wings, I need to fly,
I need the grandiosity of the sky.
Can we try, just this time?
Maybe? I'll give you a dime...
Theres nothing else to loose
Is it even a matter to choose?
Come on, You'll see..
How's it like to be with me.
Why do I keep feeling a lack of dedication?
You are just a TEMPTATION! (obsession)
Love? Of what KIND?
Maybe I'm just blind...

When You Really Love Someone

I'm a woman
Lord knows it's hard
I need a real man to give me what I need
Sweet detention, love and tenderness
When it's real it's unconditional
I'm telling y'all
Cause a man just ain't a man if he ain't man enough

So love you when you're right
Love you when you're wrong
Love you when you're weak
Love you when you're strong
Take you higher... in a world that you're feeling low
He's giving you his last, as he's thinking of you first
Giving comfort when he's thinking that you're hurt
That's what it's like when you really love someone
I'm telling y'all

Cause you're a real man
And Lord knows it's hard
Sometimes you just need.. a woman's touch
Sweet affection, love and support
When it's real it's unconditional
I'm telling y'all,
Cause a woman ain't a woman if she ain't woman enough

To love you when you're right
Love you when you're wrong
Love you when you're weak
Love you when you're strong
Take you higher in a world that you're feeling low
She's giving you her best, even when you are at your worst
Giving comfort when she's thinking that you're hurt
That's what it's like when you really love someone
I'm telling y'all,...

Sometimes you're gonna argue, sometimes you're gonna fight
Sometimes it's gonna feel it'll never be right
But something so strong keeps you hold it on
And give you the strenght to keep moving on...

" 'Cause a man just ain't a man if he ain't man enough..."

Sem Saudade

Sim, claro que me recordo
Era eu quem ali estava
Como pessoa amiga
A contribuir amigavelmente
Com a minha companhia
Mas eu cansei-me...
Muito!
Sim, eu ESGOTEI...
Daquela pessoa irritante
Sua maneira hostil
Que perseguicao constante!
Haja cinismo...
Egoismo...
Arrogancia!!!
HAJA PUTA DE TOLERANCIA!
Egocentrismo...
Que abatia...
Que consumia...
Ate que...
Eu abandonei
soube abandonar
Aquele circulo ruidoso
Tornado vicioso
E admiro...
Sim, admiro a minha atitude,
Positiva e sadia,
Contra uma pessoa doentia
Acabaram-se as afrontas
As briguinhas tontas.
Os risinhos picantes
Os ditinhos provocantes
Que bom!
Respiro em paz, enfim...
Algum tempo ja passou!
Recordo-me de tudo...
Oh, se me recordo
Sem saudade!!!
E nunca mais me arreliei
Nunca mais me amofinei
Soube abandonar
Procurar a paz
Mas... o melhor?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Daquela pessoa...
Nao guardo rancor!
Apenas um amargo sabor,
Ao recordar.

Lua vs Sol

A Lua altiva, mesquinha
Disse p'ro Sol: Que cres?...
Deus coroou-me rainha...
Pos o Mundo a meus pes!

Tenho varias dimensoes...
Qual delas a mais bonita!
Em fases, ocasioes,
Sou grande, ou pequenita!

Alem de bela, sou culta...
Tenho que reconhecer!
Toda a gente me consulta
Se vem frio ou vai chover.

Nao sejas tao presumida!
- Responde zangado, o Sol -
Es rainha?... Olha querida;
Eu sou o rei. O farol!

Com a minha luz resplendorosa
Aqueco e dou alegria...
Enquanto que tu, preguicosa
Dormes todo o santo dia!

- E a noite, quem a ilumina?...
Sou eu, com o meu luar!
- Sao os meus reflexos, menina,
Que assim te fazem brilhar!

... Ea causa dos teus pecados!
Sua trafulha. Ingrata!...
Recebes raios dourados...
E reflectes raios de prata!

Felicidade...

Ao contrario do que muitos pensam, felicidade nao tem de ter "momento certo".

Infelizmente, ha quem pense assim, por verem aqueles que buscam a mesma (a felicidade eh como uma borboleta; se a tentas apanhar, vai-te "iludir" se a deixas ir ela pousa em ti) e verem belos falhancos.

Hum, na realidade o que acontece eh, quem nao quer ser feliz?! Nao ha ninguem que nao queira. Certo?

MAS, ha muito boa gente que se deixa enganar por MOMENTOS DE FELICIDADE, que acabam desvanescendo com o tempo, e com situacoes menos nobres.
Agora, pergunto, felicidade existe? Ou apenas momentos de felicidade? E porque os buscam se sao momentaneos?

Pois... algo que nao eh eterno eh verdadeiro?! ;)


Exacto!

Sweet Misery (rep)

I was lost
And you were found
You seemed to stand on solid ground.

I was weak
And you were strong
we strummed along...

Sweet misery you cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery you cause me
I was blind
But oh, how you could see
You saw the beauty in everything,
everything and me

I would cry
And you would smile
You'd stay with me a little while

That's what you called me
Sweet misery you cause me
And in my heart I see,
What you're doing to me
And in my heart I see,
Just how you wanted it to be...

I'll Miss You When You're Gone ??

You are a drug to me
I never ever thought it otherwise
And I love the lies you"ve told to me
While looking me directly in my eyes

This is not ecstacy
but it"s better than cocaine
And you know that I will miss you when you're gone
But I"m not equipped to play this game

You know your words
They don"t mean anything to me
They only serve to fatten up the prey
And when it"s time to take them to the slaughter house
You slice their throats and continue on your way..

This is not jeopardy
And it's not your high school prom
And you know that I will miss you when you're gone
But I'm not equipped to be your mom..

(what a heck is this?!?!?)

Alone and in Love..

I see love,
I can see passion
I feel danger,
I feel obsession
Don't play games with the ones who love you
Cause I hear a voice who says:
I love you... I'll kill you...
Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room...
Look into the mirror of your soul
Love and hate are one in all
Sacrifice turns to revenge and believe me
You'll see the face who'll say:
I love you... I'll kill you...
But I'll love you forever
Loneliness, I feel loneliness in my room...

Some Old Shit...

When a Woman:

... is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind.
... talks to much she wants to tell you everything about her.
... is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
... when she's arguing, kiss her.
... looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
... avoids looking you into the eyes, she's saying goodbye; or in love (find out)
... answers "I’m fine!" after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.
... stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
... lays on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever. (sounds familiar?)
... calls you everyday, she is seeking for your attention.
... doesn't call you at all, she's afraid of getting hurt.
... says that she can't live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.
... tells you "Fuck Off You Fruity Ass Fagget", she has made up her mind, you are Past.
... says "I miss you", no one in this world can miss you more than that! (makes u present?)
... says "I Love You", she means it.

Bunch of Crap

♥Your eyes, are holding up the sky.
Your eyes make me weak i don't know why.
Your eyes make me scared to tell the truth.
I thought my heart was bullet proof,
now i'm just dancing on the roof. (What?? lol...)
Now everybody knows... i'm into you..

Your grace still amazes me,
Your love still a mystery,
Each day I fall on my knees,
'Cause your grace still amazes me (what??)

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't,
I can't make your heart feel something it won't,
Here in the dark...in these final hours I will lay down my heart,
I'll feel the power, but you won't...
No you won't, Cause I can't make you love me...If you don't..♥


♥ Don't give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about! ♥


mental note: a face without freckles, is like a sky without stars. (wonder why..)


♥ What a Wicked thing to say,
to make me feel this way.
What a Wicked thing to do,
to make me dream of you ♥

Hold

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No, I won't give in
Keep holding on
Cause you know
we'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth.
So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late
This could all disappear..
Before the door's closed
And it comes to an end
With you by my side
I will fight and defend.
Hear me when I say
When I say I believe.
Nothing's gonna change
Nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be
Will work out perfectly!


:)

B4 I GoOoOoO*

I don't know where to find you
I don't know how to reach you
I hear your voice in the wind
I feel you under my skin
Within my heart and my soul
(I wait for you)
All of these nights without you
All of my dreams surround you
I see and I touch your face
I fall into your embrace
When the time is right, I know
(You'll be in my arms)
I close my eyes and I find a way
No need for me to pray
I've walked so far
I've fought so hard
Nothing more to explain
I know all that remains.
If you know where to find me
If you know how to reach me
Before this light fades away
Before I run out of faith
Be the only man to say
That you'll hear my heart
That you'll give your life
That you believe.
Make me believe
You won't let go
Before I go.

Every Now And Then..

Sometimes it seems to much
Other times, just not enough...
Who can feel something as such?
Why does it have to be so tough?
You call it intense, how do you dare?
When it just seems that you don't care.
What have I done to become a lover?
I want this page to skip, turn it over!
Even tho you leave me speachless,
I shouldn't settle for less...
Being around you makes "it" grow
Doesn't my smile, show?
Further I get...
More impossible to forget.
"I wish I never met you" Is tought to take?
And it isn't tough to take you being so fake??
I'm thinking, sitting here
Will you eventually, be there?
What am I, a tool?
What do you take me for, a fool?!
Why do I have to be stressed out, annoyed,
When all I ask is to love and be loved?
It's like god gave me the bread
And not the teeth, instead...
Why can't I keep the "seed"?
This is a f.. drama, indeed.
If I believe god exists? I do.
Or else I wouldn't of met you.


[Karma My Friend, Karma]

True Dad, in Memory of My Grandfather

God saw you were getting tired
And a cure was not meant to be
So He put His arms around you
And whispered: "Come with me"
With tearful eyes we watched you
As we saw you pass away
Although we love you deeply
We could not make you stay
Your golden heart stopped beating
A beautiful smile at rest
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.

Incentivo

Ha dias em que me sinto depressiva, o que ultimamente tem sido constante, e sinceramente tenho medo que se torne permanente.

Escrevo depressa, sobre alineas tortas e dou por mim como, "Ser Poeta" (ai Florbela, FLorbela "Corajosa" [...] e é amar-te assim, eternamente; e é seres alma e sangue e vida em mim [...]" );

- Estou a ouvir: "ERA - Don't you forget about me"

Quando paro e olho o texto, sinto cada risco, cada traco, cada virgula do que escrevi (escrevo). Leio e releio num vicio desiquilibradamente aderente. Dias depois, pego, por mera curiosidade e falta de talento e apenas aprecio todo este meu mundo branco, onde desabafo as minhas imperfeicoes, a que chamam de frustracoes. Nesse espaco de tempo volto a ler e a reler e nem entendo o que outrora escrevera e olho-me ao espelho e... "ah! sou humana!" , suspiro; respiro bem fundo e caio no triste pensamento, no beco sem saida do meu cerebro... e bato contra as paredes de inteligencia, sem conseguir sair daquele espaco e tempo obscuro. Volto a respirar; e nao morri.
Apenas de olhos fechados, no silencio, com medo de algo que nao de mim mesma. Sentir que necessito de algo, par'alem da coragem para me suicidar, que sei que um dia ira surgir. Eu sei. E para que adiar o inevitavel!?!? Eu nao presto. Culpo e julgo porque e uma forma de me roer por dentro; porque julgo, sentindo aqui bem dentro, aqui bem no fundo, quem nem sou um pouco melhor, ate um pouco pior, por vezes.
Auto-critico, criticando outrem. E como tenho andado pouco comunicativa, e porque os dias que passam, nesta minha infeliz vida, nao tem sido tao bons quanto isso.. Ate porque infeliz e elogio...

Ja soube o gosto de ser alegre e nao feliz... mas nao ser nenhum das duas, e... frustrante.

Sabe a fel este sentimento inexplicavel, e que ja se torna incontrolavel.

Quero um incentivo para viver.

Mostra-mo.

Eternal Passion

I had once a passion for life that fueled
each thought and deed;
That passion ignited the start of each day
and fired my soul with need.
It filled my dreams through the night
and wrapped me safe until dawn,
Until one morning I awoke to discover it was gone.
I looked around to feel the heat,
to see the source of flame,
In the cold my soul screamed out
but I only heard my name.
I walked throught all the empty rooms...
but no one else was home.
Those I'd loved were somewhere else
and now I was alone.
In exhaustion I collapsed and started to remember...
How my passion's raging fire had become this lonely ember.
I'd always had others who'd told me how to think and feel
I had followed their hearts so long
I no longer knew what was real.
So I took all the truths that others had shared
and put them in the shelf.
I sat alone in the empty house
and journeyed to find myself.
Over the years, I came to see that
SOME of their truths were mine
But I had truth inside myself
and that was harder to find.
I learned the passion I'd always known
had come from my outside
Now my search had circled within,
With nowhere else to hide.
As I traveled to find my truth;
I discovered I wasn't alone
It wasn't that the house was empty
Only the people were gone.
When I opened the doors and windows,
The moon reflected in
At last I saw the rain that fell
And finally heard the Wind.
I began to hear a deep melody
It induce me to hope again......
Sang me a story about love and eternity
And it promised me all this wasn't in vain.
With miles to go, I now know, my journey's still brand new,
I call for strenght for what's ahead and all I've still to do.
But now I can be a mother and live as one man's wife
For I have found inside myself, a burning passion for life.

V for Vendetta:

Who was he really?
What was he like?
We are told to remember the idea and not the man.
Because a man can fail.
He can be caught,
he can be killed and forgotten.
But 400 years later......
An idea can still change the world.
I have witnessed firsthand the power of ideas.
I've seen people kill in the name of them...
... and die defending them.

But you cannot kiss an idea......
cannot touch it or hold it.
Ideas do not bleed.
They do not feel pain.
They DO NOT love.
And it is not an idea that I miss.

"Why Won't You Die?!"
Beneath this mask there's more then flesh.
Beneath this mask there's an idea.
And ideas are bulletproof.



WOW! wow! WoW! wOw! WOW!

Ich Hasse Dieses Leben*

Sinto-a cada vez mais,
Penso nao ser capaz!
Que vida infeliz...
Tao pouco e o que me diz!!

Amedrontada com a imperfeicao...
Acompanhada p'la solidao...
Sinto-me lisonjeada
Por tanto ser amada.

Amada como quem diz cobicada...
Seguida por abutres "esquecidos"
Sinto-me cansada...
E eles, enraivecidos.

Sem nenhuma solucao,
sem nenhuma porta...
Nem assim, so no FIM,
Serei carne, morta!...

The "Lamest" Poem

When I first met you
I knew it was real,
There was so much love inside of me,
And a lot I could not feel.

After we spent sometime together
It all became clear..
I needed you beside me
I needed you to be near!

I needed you to hold me
I needed you to care
I needed you to be with me,
For the pain I could not bare.

U say that you will call,
But you always seem to busy...
And when u say "i love you"
I become extremely "dizzy"

One reason I get so "dizzy"
It is 'cause I don't know if your words are true..
And another is the thought,
I might be losing you.

Unfaithfulness Insanity

How did I ever get to here?
Why do I need you?
Why do I have to cry this tears?
Where do they lead to?

I used to be a strong alone
When i was standing on my own!
Before this passion begun...

Was I too proud or just to blind?
What does it matter?
When the love was in this hands of mine
I let it shatter?

The peace is getting to the wind...
Will it ever get here again...?
But i remember how we are for the rest of time...
God! Is that a crime?!

You are my heart.. how can I ever let you go?
You are my soul ... I have to lose my soul to know!
How much do you need me..
To me, you are my heart.

I think I see you everywhere..
Isn't that crazy?
I still reach out to feel you there...
I am sorry :(

There's the sun to light the day
My colours turned to gray
The day I saw you walk away
Now there's nothing left to say
But when I dream, I pray
That life could be like yesterday...
:(

Even if I could "delete" you from my head/thoughts/life ... I'm afraid I wouldn't do it...
This is insane...

Change

You will grow and so will I
And to the past we say good bye
Will you love who I’ve become
Or will you long where we’ve started from
The future’s there within our sight
But will we get there feeling right
Will you still cherish this woman
Will you still take time to understand
We’ve always said we’re meant to be
But am I the one, the same old me
Only thing unchanged is the name
So will things ever be the same
Can you last this life of strange
Or will you hate how things have changed
Will you still remember when
We met that day, you were my friend
I said hello, how are you?
Then I smiled , then you knew
I was the woman, I am the one
Then our greatest passion begun
Yet now we stand, looking back
Questioning our futures attack
I see your eyes, and you see mine
My love, we know that change is just fine.

Daniel Bedingfield > Lyrics

If you're not the one
Then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one
Then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine
Then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine
Would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away
But I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you
Then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you
Then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me
Then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me
Then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away
but I can't take itI don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart
And pray for the strength to stand today
Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you
Then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

What Are You Doing??

Yesterday, IS past. (Past)

Tomorrow, is uncertain. (Future)

Today, is a gift. And that's why it's called "Present" ... :)

You can't go back on time, and start from the beginning; but you can begin now and modify the end of the "history".

Who doesn't take the risk, loses the chance to deserve;

Life is to short to let go such great feelings; as you might live happy ever after.

What's worse: Never wait for anyone or wait for someone all your life?

What's better: Loving or being loved?

Be careful with what you wish.. it might come true, than what? :)

Why are you reading this?! Go do something useful with your time! (lol)

Perfect Man

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feeling of love on you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
Oh screw this stupid poem
The perfect man is, gay.

Cadaver

Sinto-a cada vez mais,
Penso nao ser capaz!
Que vida infeliz...
Tao pouco e o que me diz!!

Amedrontada com a imperfeicao...
Acompanhada pla solidao...
Sinto-me lisonjeada
Por tanto ser amada.

Amada como quem diz cobicada...
Seguida por abutres "esquecidos"
Sinto-me cansada...

E eles, enraivecidos.
Sem nenhuma solucao, sem nenhuma porta...
Nem assim, so no FIM, serei carne, morta!...

Fracasso

Acordei,
Um triste despertar...
Vazio de algo a completar
Desde que o mundo olhei...

Perdi,
- Um tesouro "enriquecido"
Apos um dia ter adormecido -
O rasto do que contigo senti...!

Vivi,
Um viver de nao viver
Ha quem o chame sobreviver
Notei entao que enlouqueci...

Tentei,
Adormecer constantemente,
Amar-te... eternamente...
Foi entao que morri, F R A C A S S E I.

Mistakes

Hoje julguei morrer.
Senti a morte num toque leve...
A motivacao sempre a desvanescer.
E o que nao ajuda, e esta triste neve;
Sempre molhada, sempre a chorar.
Tocada por toda a gente...
Sente um vazio, mesmo com tanta gente a lhe rodear...
mas que sentimento mais demente...
Sei isso, porque o sinto
Sinto isso, porque nao sei
Sei que nao te minto... E sei que nada sei.
Quero parar de cair
Cada vez estou mais saudosa.
Passo a vida a sorrir...
Enquanto por dentro, chorosa.
Pretendo ser alguem...
Pretendo fazer o bem...
E esta a minha sorte...
E este o meu destino...
Tome ou nao tino...
Caminho, igualmente, pra morte.

Desabafo Suicida

Desabafo Suicida...
Tenho Tendencia A Escrever Coisas Bonitas. Coisas Que Nao Sao Comuns A Serem lidas...
e ate mesmo escritas... (comentam) Ora, e sobre nao sentir algo bonito todos os dias que passo a citar o meu pensamento futil: Ao longo dos tempos o que mais tenho ouvido é "tu mudaste", "ja nao te importas", "es uma insatisfeita", ...

Que fazes tu?? Continuas o mesmo/a? O que e demais enjoa, e altura de mudares essa tua atitude... se ainda nao o fizeste!?!?

As coisas tem de se ir alterando, porque e esse o procedimento natural da VIDA. Obvio... que o que sinto e algo indescritivel... mas sei que nao sinto isto sozinha, que ha outras tantas "almas" entristecidas, enraivecidas, amedrontadas, assombradas... Tenho nocao plena que vou morrer. E que o que faco aqui é entrar num jogo (que cai no ridiculo!), o qual, tenho evitado.

As vezes, perco-me, e quando o faco fico como os restantes, a deriva (neste esgoto).. Tento encontrar respostas num "Deus"! Que la no fundo sinto que existe, mas tambem penso (acredito) que esta crenca é hereditaria (segundo a teoria de Sigmund Freud);

... Sou um verme com capacidade de raciocinio. AHAHAHAH

Nao e engracado!? Eu acho! E que para alem de ser tao insignificante, como se isso nao bastasse, tenho nocao disso! A existencia é inventada!!!! E a minha vida, sera?! E com tanta vida por ai, nao admira porque tanta gente tem uma vida tao melancolica (se e que se pode chamar, aquele "sobreviver", de vida!!) quem inventa a vida deve ficar sem inspiracao algumas vezes, criando aqueles abortos ambulantes que por ai vemos, de quando em vez... Tadinhos! (a culpa tambem nao é deles, nao somos imperfeitos por pecarmos, pecamos sim, por sermos imperfeitos).

SInto um vazio, as vezes; Que me S U I C I D A!... Porque vivo? Para quem vivo? (pergunto a mim mesma diversas vezes ah noite muda, no escuro e silencio)
Eu perdi o interesse pelo o que me rodeia, por quem me rodeia,... a razao porque amo, QUEM AMO, é em busca da quietude de mente que nao tenho, a paz de "espirito" que me foge (entre os dedos, que nem agua... suja... mal cheirosa... nojenta!..);
Pensar numa familia (aquela que nao tive mas que me é permitida escolher) da-me A vontade de viver,... SIM! AQUELA VONTADE! Que com cada dia que passa se esvai; (suspiro) ai esta vida, que finjimos viver a segundo.

A Morrermos aos poucos e a olharmos para outrem com desdem... nao e ironico!? Como se fossemos ate um pouco melhor que eles (quem quer que sejam); Damos gargalhadas, olhamos com escarnio, como se de facto valesse a tentativa de ser melhor! Aquando que destes momentos de honestidade para com nos mesmos (e dao a estes desabafos sinceros, o nome de, depressao, "desabafo suicida") concluimos que nada mais interessa do que com quem estamos, porque e isso sim que levamos bom desta vida... com quem estamos. So quero sentir O AMOR, sentir-me apaixonada... eu sinto-me amada, quero é AMAR!... Amar,... tanto! Mas tanto ate perder o folego...
Enfim, comeco a conformar-me com o facto de ser assim, insignificante, futil, imperfeita, insatisfeita, mortal... e quem sabe um dia... perco a cobardia e mostro ao mundo a razao, pela qual, vivo...

... para morrer.

"Saudade", translation

For those who are truly in love
And ache for they can never find the words…
"Saudade"
For the hearts that shall burst
If it never finds a way to express the power inside…
"Saudade"
For yesterday, today, and tomorrow
And any time you need to say it….
"Saudade"

It is anything you want it to be
And everything you need it to be
For very rarely do we come across a word
That can capture what is in our hearts
What only our souls can explain
And what our minds could never understand…
"Saudade"

It’s for those who long for the past
Who are so overwhelmingly content in the present
And who can no longer wait for the future
It is all of these together
So beautifully said
And much too explosive for this world to hold
And yet we have, finally, one word
On this tiny earth
Which can say it in a way we need to hear it…
"Saudade"

And a word to the wise
For those who don’t believe such thing exists
Do not search for this word in any place
But for the only place where this word can be found
It lives within the hearts
Of those lucky souls
Who are truly… (humpf)

"Saudade"

Special Someone

A Relationship Is Like A Rose,
How Long It Lasts, No One Knows;
Love Can Erase An Awful Past,
Love Can Be Yours, You'll See At Last;
To Feel That Love, It Makes You Sigh,
To Have It Leave, You'd Rather Die;
You Hope You've Found That Special Rose,
'Cause You Love And Care For The One You Chose.

You'll Have My Heart

You'll have my heart
While away every possible moment
this world offers you,
reminiscing
rainbows, shooting stars,
and every gorgeous rarity
life grants
and you’ll have my heart
as it is with every glance
you devote to me.
Close your eyes
and imagine that
summers first breeze
has just sweetly caressed
your pretty face
and you’ll have my heart
as it is with every breath
you whisper to me.
Deep within the night
as you pray to the heavens,
deny there is anything
more tender or compassionate
than the suns comforting embrace
and you’ll have my heart
as it is with every touch
you bestow upon me.
Search deep within yourself
and envision
all the hearts and souls
of this world
as if each and every
hope and dream
had just come true
and you’ll have my heart
as it is every time
you return such love to me.

Era

Cada momento tem neste espaço infinito
a sua certeza de tempo…
Tudo se vive porque vivemos,
e eh esta estrada diluída entre o real controlavel
e o sonho que nos impulsiona, a que somos convidados a caminhar
de olhos no escuro…

A paixao eh um sonho doloroso:
soh amamos enquanto amamos,
e nada no amor, ou na falta dele, eh manipulavel pelas nossas maos de carne…
Tudo acontece porque nos somos agentes da acçao,
o que nao quer dizer que nos a controlemos…

Os sentimentos sentem-se e vivem-se interiormente,
nao se fazem nem sao programados como um projecto nesta era de projectos…
Tudo isto para assumir que te amo desmedidamente,
sem controlo algum do que ja fui noutros dias vividos,
e hoje sentidos numa memoria branca e ja esquecida…

Sonetos

Fuji a tempos;
Seguimos por um caminho incerto
E mesmo lentos...
La fomos ficando perto!

Senti solidao...
Vida nao vida
tao pouco indefinida,
Ate sentir a tua mao!

Es a razao do meu viver
como poderei isso esquecer!?!
Nisso... aplica a certeza!

Pois sinto-me presa...
A um sentimento fenomenal;
Sentimento este, por um"anormal".



Ja morri...
Entao nao dizem que isso e felicidade?
Contigo, por ti...
Ja sou eternidade!

Amar-te nunca e demais
Ai, so nos, seres anormais!?
...E irreal ate...O sentimento cresce...
As vezes arrefece e logo aquece...

E vai-se aguentando de pe!
Tu choras pois sentes...
Eu sinto e logo choro...

Eu sei que nao me mentes,
E tambem sei que te amo
e que te adoro!



Como foi isto possivel ?
Logo tu, "o destemivel..."
COMO FOSTE CAPAZ????????
De induzir-me tal quietude e paz?

Amas-me? Grita isso...
E mais que tudo... Acredita nisso!
Demonstra, para sempre, sê!
Sê o que es... e o que so quem ama, vê!

Es o meu todo, o meu Universo!
Quero que leias isso "num" verso!
N tenhas pressa...

Porque ate uma Peca...
Acaba so porque lhe metemos um ponto final...
mas sempre o podes apagar e continuar a Peca Teactral!



--------> lol <---------

"A forca de vontade move montanhas"

Montanhas atraves da evolucao do homem sempre tem servido de alegoria aos seus conhecimentos e obstaculos.
Do topo delas tudo parece mais claro e tem mais profundidade. Subi-las implica em esforco... Da arribada aos cumes, vem a sensacao de conquista, e mais do que esta, a paz de espirito.
A solidao das altitudes descobre nos homens a realidade da sua pequenez no universo, e da proximidade e dependencia de Deus?!?!?
Como obstaculo, a montanha, para o homem de vontade forte, nao o leva a concluir ser ela intransponivel.
Por isso ficou cunhado o dito, que a forca de vontade pode mover montanhas.