~ MoM ~

Maybe I've caused too much of a downfall,
And a lot less of gain,
Maybe I've become much less of a daughter,
And a lot more of a shame.
But one day of your silence,
Is twenty four hours of torture,
Eighty-six-thousand-four-hundred minutes of agony,
And a world, full of pain.
I'd prefer if you'd just hurt me physically, please,
Leave me no more to contemplate things,
This is insane!
Eventually,
Progressively,
And now repetitively,
I've become in your repute and your life,
A SCAR.
My actions have been a fret,
But my thoughts have always thought far.
Unconsciously and unintentionally,
I've cause too much disappointment,
And now, with drenched eyes, I try to converse,
That you, in fact, are my ointment.
I saw you whimper at school that one day,
And one tear trickling down your eye,
Lay me down in an excruciating trance;
It put me in distress!
And in my abstinent, cold, scrawny heart,
It set an enduring sty.
And even though you know that it did,
Have you ever thought: "Why?"
I seal my teeth and heart,
Each instant I see you frown,
And this time I saw you really weep,
You were hurt, really deep...
It gives me hitherto another down,
Maybe mentioning the subsequent verse
Won't prove my reverence to you...
So what shall I do?
It might just attest it's author's poetry,
and his penchant,
But for now, I use it as a medium to beseech for clarity.
Forgiveness... it is what I want...
I want to scream out loud,
With or without a crowd:

A love of a mother
Will never die
I'll never forget you
I cannot lie...
You've taught me so much
I couldn't thank you enough.
So I guess that this will have to do
I'll try and show my appreciation for you.
You're a wonderful mother
So gentle, yet so strong.
The many ways you show you care
Always make me feel like I belong.
You are patient when I'm foolish;
You give guidance when I ask...
It seems you can do most anything;
You are the master of every task.
You're a dependable source of comfort;
You are my cushion when I fall.
You help in times of trouble;
You support me whenever I call.
I love you more than I can express
You have my total respect.
If I had my choice of mothers,
You'd be the one I'd select!
As for I wouldn't be the girl I am today
Without your love along the way.

I Love You Mom.

~ Putrefy ~

You feel that rage imminent?
You know that feeling you get?
When you are so sure, but not sure yet?
So damn sure, but makes you feel "shit".
That you never felt before;
You don't want to stand, you don't want to sit,
You just want to sit back and regret...
What you thought,
The fact that it is with your psyche you fought!
And you fought some more...
So goddamn sure, but yet so not sure!!!
When you go for someone, and this time you mean it?
It's so "fucks" with your mind, and you just want to forget it?
And you discern, if you back out, you will miss it...
"Fuck" this and "fuck" that, that's all you'll get to say?
"FUCK THE WORLD" - Is what I say!
"Fuck" one and all who mess' with you this way.
"Fuck" all your thoughts! This ain't "fucking" sane!
And when you "fuck" it all, you think about the same.
That fixation that makes you cry,
Whimper within your each "fucking" vein!
This monstrosity,
This animosity,
That you've built up with your mind,
The "whole notion"
Without any "fucking" emotion...
That will make you back out from your best find!
And just when you think you are sure...
You think about it some "fucking" more!
It's imprudent you know... and I know!
"Do this! Do that!" That's all your mind reminds you of.
Back off, "Fuck" off, think of and cry for,
The "Fucking" one that made you so sure...
But yet... so not sure!
Stay under your sheets...
Feel inside, your heart beat...
Feel "fucking" afraid of all that's make you feel,
Kill your thoughts and kill it in a way,
That will no longer make your mind sway...
From that obsession,
That regression,
That crazy degeneration.
...Conceal with no concealing!
Speak, without speaking;
Sleep, without sleeping;
And feel without feeling.
Maintain it all in and then shout it all out!
"Believe without seeing!"
Give it another shot,
Give it an extra thought,
And you know what?
It's the same craze that made you so sure,
Yet you are not!
The emotion, hard to seal,
The thoughts, hard to conceal,
The words, you don't want to disclose,
Your weak mind, you don't want to expose.
Your even weaker heart, that so obviously shows...
The verity that you have your eyes closed,
The actuality that everyone close to you knows!
The truth that gives you a "fucking" further low.
You WANT to give it a shot?
"Fuck" everyone and everything else!
Think just about us, a whole lot.
Or do the right thing:
Stop thinking about it, repent it.
Hope that soon enough
You will breathe your last breath inside,
Maybe even cry.
And that one day
That will be someday...
You will "fucking" putrefy.

~ Subtract: Your Brain Cells, By Reading It. ~

(Be strong, determinate and consistent...)

No matter how much you want your relationship to work, if your partner does not want it to work, then it won't. As the saying goes: "It takes two to tango". Many people actually do not want to be a lifelong soul mate, preferring instead a much lesser relationship. If your partner is one of these, you have a simple choice to make: Whether settle for a relationship that falls far short of being a lifelong soul mate relationship, or get a new relationship. The choice is yours. It's your call. The rules for having a lifelong soul mate relationship will help you judge your current relationship to see if there is any possibility of it becoming such a relationship.

But, remember, when you find that special 'one'...

You have to ALWAYS make your relationship work. No matter what obstacles come in it's way. Never give up. If you fall, rise. If you fall again, then rise once more. And if you fall again...

(One More Rule for a Healthy Relationship)

~ Butterfly ~

(4th of July 2008)

I don't want to divulge the truth,
I want you to apprehend it on your own,
And I ache for your affection to show,
I don't want to pluck out the seeds that we've sown,
The sun hasn't set on us, yet,
All I can evoke is that it has in verity, once shone,
And I love you so much; it's really all I've ever known.
Show me that you care,
I feel dead, derailed, decayed, and all inside,
Remorse so unfathomable, I feel raped inside,
Talk to your own, talk where your comfort resides,

Talk to anyone…my foe besides,
Think just about us, it might help you decide,
Drop the care, the emotions, and a word of advice,
Think reasonably; keep your feelings aside.
Have you ever felt, while standing in front of the mirror, completely insecure?
Each tear trickling down your eye, reminds you of the same numbness,
You begin to abhor your own reflection, and you wind up weeping some more?
It's not that you're losing your desire; it's just that it's this very same desire,
Had got you feeling protected,
And you begin to despise it;
you no longer feel that your love is pure?
Please let it endure...
Show me that you know, that you care,
Send me a butterfly or two: send me some sort of sign...
... And I'll wait for a bit, but I don't feel I have the time,
Somewhere down the road, I know I'll have to draw the line!
You are alright and I will be fine...