WATCH OUT!

Ladies and Gentlemen
Bums and Tramps
Cross-eyed Mosquitos and
Bow-Legged Ants
I Come here Before You
To Stand here Behind You
And Tell You a Story
I've Never even Heard
Admission is Free
So Pay at the Door
There's plenty of Seats
So Sit on the Floor
This is a Lady's Meeting
For Gentlemen Only
And Now I will Tell
You my Story;
"One Bright Morning
In the Middle of the Night
Two Dead Boys got Up to Fight
Back-to-Back they Faced Eachother
Sword-to-Sword they Shot Eacother
A Deaf Policeman
Heard the Noise
And Came to Kill
The Two Dead Boys"
If You Don't Believe
My Story is True
Ask the Blind Man
On The Corner-
He Saw it Too.

Home... <3

Your dream is your desire,
Your desire is your sentiments,
Your sentiment is your love,
Your love is your heart,
Your heart is your spouse,
Your spouse is your future,
Your future is your destiny,
Your destiny is your ambition,
Your ambition is your inspiration,
Your inspiration is your motivation,
Your motivation is your belief,
Your belief is your peace,
Your peace is your target,
Your target is heaven...
...heaven is your home.

True/False

True people are like diamonds.
They are dear and rear.
False people are like stones.
They are scattered everywhere.
I'm glad I'm true to myself.

Our World

A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Sometimes it hurts to fit us there...
Sometimes you wish you were elsewhere..
But then you feel that warm strong feeling
And not even doubt, will shake its meaning.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to always last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

=\

I sit here thinking of what to write,

Thinking of something nice to say...

... just to pretend I am alright.

Unfortunately, it has been another sad day.

Aspirin won't help because it's not my head.
I wish it was, that would be an easy fix.

However, it's my heart instead
and you can't fix, what you miss...
I miss you,

Waking up to the feeling of whats next...

I miss home.

Maybe being far away was just a test.
I wish I could of learned there...

I wish I never went anywhere.

:(

*thinking*

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “asteroids”?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts but as mattresses?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?”

If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

Asneiras...

Não faças asneiras só porque és infeliz. ~ GB

He said... She Said... LOL

He said.. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said..You wear briefs, don't you

He said.. Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said.. Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

She said.. What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

He said.. It's not my fault.. I ran out of money.

He said.. Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said.. Well, you succeeded.

He said.. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you

She said.. Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said.. Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said.. Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said.. Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said.. I would, but you're never there.

He said.. Shall we try a different position tonight?

She said.. That's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Female Comebacks:

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female inpersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unferrtilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Comparing Men to Dogs

How Dogs and Men Are the Same:

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.

2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning

3. Both mark their territory

4. Neither tells you what's bothering them

5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous

6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches

7. Neither does any dishes

8. Both fart shamelessly

9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut

10. Both like dominance games

11. Both are suspicious of the postman

12. Neither understands what you see in cats

How Dogs Are Better Than Men:

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public

2. Dogs miss you when you're gone

3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong

4. Dogs admit when they're jealous<

5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out

6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)

7. You can train a dog

8. Dogs are easy to buy for

9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).

10. Dogs understand what "no" means.

11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Changing...

If you have to change yourself so someone loves you... it's not worth the effort.

Agony...

Dear Agony,

Just let go of me... As I already suffer slowly.
Is this the way it's got to be? Don't bury me.
Faceless enemy...

Within someone, buried somewhere unreachable, there's always a burden.
A heavy cross to bear, even if for something unattainable...
Out of reach, it's where I stand.

Diving in an abyss of deprivation of feelings.
Where nothing matters but a friendly face, caring hand, lovely smile...
Somewhere, somewhere not here.

It's better to feel agony than not feeling...
But it takes your hand and walks you to nothing, like a friendly individual.
And when you wake, you realize, that with or without it, you've only got yourself.