Happiness & Joy

I am lost in this life
And I'm not sure what brings me this strife.
Where did I go?
How to find me? I might not know...
But I'm sure I was once here.
Somewhere near,
Yet so far away?
My life seems to stay, how come?
And it keeps me searching still
For the will to go on
When I doubt the woman I've become.
And I'm not one with myself
And the pain inside my soul
Keeps me from being whole
So I look deep within me
And hatred is all I see.
All that's there is a pain inside my heart
To the point I now start to doubt:
Why am I here?

What is this existence about?
So I cry in the night
For this life's nowhere in sight...
Within I grasp...
And as I gasp...
for a breath of refreshing air
Or a break in my despair.
So I resign myself to this
There is no joy or happiness.