* Coisas de Amor *

Entao hoje, estou tao replecta de sentimentos.
Eh a musica actual no blog, so pode.
/"Balada do desajeitado - Quadrilha"\



O amor eh esquisito...
Eu sei que so se ama uma vez.
Porque so amei uma vez e ainda te amo.

Sera egoista ser feliz por me amares?
E se te amo, sou o que? Generosa? (hahaha)
E se nos amamos, como sentimos; eh o que? Perfeito!

E finalmente sei o que me faz feliz:
EU! [Eternamente Unidos]
TU! ['Tamos Juntos!]

> NOS! < Ninguem Os Separa! <

~ Weird

There's one sentence that I've only heard once in my life,
And in the most unlikely situation EVER:

"I Feel Proud Of You..."

* Why? * - long as hell -

Babe, what's been bothering you so?
Don't you love me anymore?
Has my loving not been sufficient?
Is there any rationale that's making you unsure?
I love you more than any other girl ever could.
... It's a worn out proclamation, I know.
But your love is an intoxication,
Each instant I back out from us,
I wind up begging for you some more...
And from a minus, you urge to a plus.
The best thing about tonight is that we are not fighting.
It couldn't be that we have been this way before,
I know you don't think that I am trying,
I know you're wearing thin down to the core...
...But hold your last breath!
It's not my intention, to make you upset.
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,
Again, over again...
Don't make me change my mind!
I won't live to see another day,
I swear it's true...
A guy like you it's impossible to find.
So here's a clue;
Our love doesn't seem now, to have the same meaning,
We were over, when my each pound was kneeling,
So don't wake me if I'm dreaming,
Don't reminisce me, if your heart is screaming,
Don't screech for me, if your thoughts are still leaning.
Don't call me, if your insecurity is increasing.
Think about it...
Seriously, think about it...
Maybe you don't need me, our relation is already blazing.
Maybe you don't need me... aren't these thoughts amazing?
Because your voice will decay,
But my feelings for you will remain.
And since your dreams won't portray,
I just have to say...
My feelings for you, weren't in vain.
I can't live with pain and suffering for long, neither can you.
I can live with happiness and innocence, for that is need two.
I just can't believe you're not there for me,
But turns out you never were.
Just took awhile for me to see...
I break myself over and over and over again...
Only to rebuild my Self, especially for you,
And then I break again.
But I won't give up being built,
And I won't give up, us.
I hammer myself in my dreams,
I try to mold my dreams to perfection,
But perfection seems so impossible.
I never have the satisfaction...
I'm always not good enough, that's what it seems to me...
But how can perfection be true?
If I am what you want me to be?
And nothing is your fault.
No matter what I do,
No matter what I say...
I will always love you.
Because days will come and go,
But my feelings for you are forever,
No matter how many rocks I'll throw...
Love is forever and ever.
One last kiss, before I go,
Make one last wish, before it shows,
That your one last touch, that no one knows...
I'll reminisce, when we're paired no more.
You are stuck on me, like a gore.
(thinking)
He's more than a man,
And this is more than love,
The reason that the sky is blue,
The clouds are rolling in,
Because I'm gone again,
And to him I just can't be true.
I feel the dream in me expire,
And there's no one left to blame it on,
I hear you label me a liar,
'cause I can't seem to get this through.
You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah,
Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here.
And I am aware now...
Everything is going to be fine one day...
I know, I know how!
Because it's too late, I'm in hell,
I am prepared, everyone is going to be alright.
One day too late: just as well...
Hopefully everyone will be out of my sight.
Conceivably, now, I see the picture clear,
I can feel my feelings expire, and it's just a mere.
Matter of time, before I let you go,
Strive coming back to me, it will be a NO!
Good times, good thoughts: They seem way far,
I wish I could let the pain stay buried inside,
Maybe have a friend-in-depression strum a little guitar,
Maybe we don't talk, but at least I'll have my friends by my side.
All the time, I wish I would lay to rest, forever,
All this time I thought I'd be the best for you, but never,
Again will I think the same about you.
... I know it's not true ...
But maybe I was meant to be just another friend,
Maybe then, the pains of missing you,
Would finally filter through!
If not an open diary,
Then at least be a torn page,
From a book, for me,
So that I read you...
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road,
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go,
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time,
Oh and no need for you to cry.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right,
I hope you had the time of your life...
And so much for a goddamn wife.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind,
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time...
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial...
For what it's worth it was worth the while.
I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don't believe it makes me real...
I thought it'd be easy,
But no one believes me.
It might sound cheesy...
But I meant all the things I said.
This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don't know how it got so bad...
How can someone be so sad?
Sometimes it's so crazy...
That nothing can save me,
But it's the only thing that I have...
You know I am not lazy...
And believe me... it's in my soul.
I'd say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
What I'm trying to let you know!
Am I better off on my own?
I don't want to hear, I don't want to know,
Please don't say "sorry",
I've heard it all before,
And I can take care of myself,
And I can't take it anymore.
Please don't say "forgive me".
I've seen it all...
I already see the call.
I am not half the woman I thought I was...
Save your words because you've gone to far...
I've listened to your lies and all your stories...
And it's all going down to memories.
I'm not half the woman I'd like to be...
Just leave me alone... set me free.
Don't explain yourself because talk is cheap,
There's more important things than what you speak...
You stayed because I made it so convenient...
Don't explain yourself, you'll never see...
What I am... or what I'm trying to be!
I know my days are numbered,
I've been in and out of this phase,
But these days keep passing by,
It's all this intensive craze!
Good never comes my way...
And all I'm doing is make my mind sway.
I try to sit back and relax,
I would think of something good, I would...
Something else or something pure...
I can't but I know I should...
... Maybe that will be my cure.
No more waiting for something better to come along,
It's much easier to change me than it's to change them all...
Things I should have said, I should of been strong!
I think I'll need to shed all my skin and start again.
After all... All I have is things to gain.
... Oh, things I should of said,
Things that I regret...
And I regret some more.
How could I do such things since we met?
If it is you that I adore?
And every turn I made was wrong.
I haven't smiled sincerely in so long.
The memories I once had...
Weren't all ... entirely bad?

Why did you have to go with the tide?
Why?
Why aren't you by my side?
Why?
Why couldn't everything be fine?
Why?
Why can't it start again with "once upon a time..."?
Why?
Why couldn't our story last?
Why?
Why does it have to remain in the past?

20 Weird Things About Me ~ Try It ~

**RULE 1: Each player of this game starts off with 20 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. Try it out. Make me laugh!**

#1 Every time I feel like something is crawling on me, I always think it's a spider. Usually it is. And those are the only "Effers" I totally despise.

#2 I've been all over the United States, Canada and Europe. (just because)

#3 I broke my nose when I was in 4th grade, because I was running away from this girl that was pretending to be a bull (don't ask me where I hit my nose, it's too embarrassing).

#4 When I sneeze, I always do it twice.

#5 When I have hiccups (or as normally pronounced "HICK-up" regardless of spelling), I always take 7 gulps of juice/water and it goes away. Magically.

#6 I've only been in love once.

#7 I can barely keep up a serious conversation. I have to always say a joke. In the end, in between or both.

#8 I always pee before I go to bed and when I get up. (to much info?)

#9 I'm always cold. (I've been with a sweater on the beach!)

#10 I don't like mirrors to much. Or lightening.

#11 I'm agnostic. (or just unsure, lost,...)

#12 I believe I know nothing.

#13 I dislike Shakespeare.

#14 I used to be chubby when I was a kid. (not fat...)

#15 If I had to give up sense it would be "taste".

#16 I always have to fix my hair after I take a shower.

#17 I brush, floss and waterpik my teeth everyday.

#18 I always wear something pink.

#19 I wish I could fly.

#20 I'm still searching for god.


** If you don't have 20 weird things about yourself, name... 15? 10? 5?

~ Without Hope ~

Words fall to dust
Actions fall short...
We all do as we must
Leaving nothing to last resort.

We all tend to dare
In things that don't matter...
We swear forever...
Even when we don't care.

We pretend so much...
Like love, honesty & things as such...
But we all have a clue...
That all that... is not true.

With or without you...
I must do what I got to do.
Whether you are there or not...
Me, is all I've got.

So let's stop living in La La Land
Let's all stop playing pretend.
I know and you know, it's untrue;
I don't love me, I can't love you.

[written YEARS ago... well written but so sad...]

Tenho dito...

Eu gosto de mim.

~ Behind every curtain... ~

Someone told me not too long ago that life is a theater.
A theater on which we act with no rehearsals.
Some people live on stage.
Others live backstage.

Worse of all, are those two that open and close the curtains.
They know exactly what to do,
but they limit themselves, sticking to what they know,
and feel comfortable doing.
Opening and closing those damn curtains, every time.
And when those curtains open... there it comes:
Life... Hope... Meaning of doing something useful...
But then, the curtains close...
And there it goes; all the purpose. All the effort. Everything.

Mental note: You cannot live your life being the rope person.
You cannot dedicate your life just allowing everyone and everything
shine but yourself and the person across the stage from you.

Eventually, you have to let go the ropes, both of you...
Start, your own scene.
It might be so hard, unexperienced...
But if you are going to do it, just do it!
Allow yourselves to live...
And if there's no tomorrow...
Oh well, today was written and played by you.

~ Puzzle ~

If we are all different how can two make a "whole"?
Think of it as a puzzle.
The puzzle is the "Bigger Picture".
The pieces are the "People".
Some pieces will never connect with other pieces;
Some others fit just fine.
With time every piece has an important roll,
even tho, some pieces will get used, abused...
... others get lost even destroyed!
(Some are just bad manufactured!
Not their fault, just happened to come in the box like that!)
But even all those pieces... that aren't so perfect
as some others, we can still tell what the bigger picture
is and the whole moral of all of them.
If all the pieces can work somehow as a "whole",
attaching themselves for a better vision of everything...
That's what they were made for.

It's Like I've Never Known Anything Else...

(Summer 08 - July)

I may not see you as often as I like
I may not get to hold you in my arms through the night...
But deep in my heart, I truly know
You Are The One...
That Special Someone...
That makes my eyes glow.
20 years and 7 months ago,
I whispered in your ear:
"You'll have to wait for me to grow
In 20 years, I will appear."
So for all those years, for you, I prayed.
Because this is what you said:
"So close your eyes and sleep to dream
I'm by your side, no words to speak,
If you wake up, oh please, don't freak.
If someone's here and it's not me, do not scream."
The days certainly didn't allow us to see each other,
But memories and hope did;
And so my heart bid:
That we wouldn't be able to live with another.
My eyes couldn't see you...
My soul said: "I do".
My heart was yours Forever.
It never forgot you, ever.
Every time I missed you
I did not go far...
I looked inside my heart...
"There you are!" - never apart.
Today, I'm certain, listen to what I say;
You are the sun in my day...
The waves in my ocean...
The wind in my sky...
You are all that 'causes emotion.
Without you? I would die.
So there's absolutely, no doubt
None of us ever forgot!
It was with us all along...
Sometimes lonely, sometimes strong.
You came to Earth before me
I told you: "The faster you'll go...
... the faster you'll be back, you'll see!"
The process was a bit slow.
But here we are,
My Emperor, My Tsar...
Forever, you and me.
I'm sure you'll agree.
We forsaken all the grime.
And we shall be, for the rest of time.
When I am down and I start feeling sad...
I know you are there and then I'm glad!
I am happy I found someone so true...
An honesty that helps and gives me a clue.
How to solve my problems when I don't know where to turn...
With your help, from my mistakes I will learn.
You are there for me each and every day
You make me smile and laugh in your little way.
I can't thank you enough for always being there...
I know I can trust you, I see that you care.
I love you lots as you already know.
I'm here for you, cheer you up when you're low.
I'm glad I found you and I'll always hold you near,
You will never be alone as for I am ALWAYS here.
Thank You, for never being apart;
I appreciate your kindness and your gold filled heart.
For all this and more, I want to be your wife...
It's like I've never known anything else in my life.

I Love You.

~ MoM ~

Maybe I've caused too much of a downfall,
And a lot less of gain,
Maybe I've become much less of a daughter,
And a lot more of a shame.
But one day of your silence,
Is twenty four hours of torture,
Eighty-six-thousand-four-hundred minutes of agony,
And a world, full of pain.
I'd prefer if you'd just hurt me physically, please,
Leave me no more to contemplate things,
This is insane!
Eventually,
Progressively,
And now repetitively,
I've become in your repute and your life,
A SCAR.
My actions have been a fret,
But my thoughts have always thought far.
Unconsciously and unintentionally,
I've cause too much disappointment,
And now, with drenched eyes, I try to converse,
That you, in fact, are my ointment.
I saw you whimper at school that one day,
And one tear trickling down your eye,
Lay me down in an excruciating trance;
It put me in distress!
And in my abstinent, cold, scrawny heart,
It set an enduring sty.
And even though you know that it did,
Have you ever thought: "Why?"
I seal my teeth and heart,
Each instant I see you frown,
And this time I saw you really weep,
You were hurt, really deep...
It gives me hitherto another down,
Maybe mentioning the subsequent verse
Won't prove my reverence to you...
So what shall I do?
It might just attest it's author's poetry,
and his penchant,
But for now, I use it as a medium to beseech for clarity.
Forgiveness... it is what I want...
I want to scream out loud,
With or without a crowd:

A love of a mother
Will never die
I'll never forget you
I cannot lie...
You've taught me so much
I couldn't thank you enough.
So I guess that this will have to do
I'll try and show my appreciation for you.
You're a wonderful mother
So gentle, yet so strong.
The many ways you show you care
Always make me feel like I belong.
You are patient when I'm foolish;
You give guidance when I ask...
It seems you can do most anything;
You are the master of every task.
You're a dependable source of comfort;
You are my cushion when I fall.
You help in times of trouble;
You support me whenever I call.
I love you more than I can express
You have my total respect.
If I had my choice of mothers,
You'd be the one I'd select!
As for I wouldn't be the girl I am today
Without your love along the way.

I Love You Mom.

~ Putrefy ~

You feel that rage imminent?
You know that feeling you get?
When you are so sure, but not sure yet?
So damn sure, but makes you feel "shit".
That you never felt before;
You don't want to stand, you don't want to sit,
You just want to sit back and regret...
What you thought,
The fact that it is with your psyche you fought!
And you fought some more...
So goddamn sure, but yet so not sure!!!
When you go for someone, and this time you mean it?
It's so "fucks" with your mind, and you just want to forget it?
And you discern, if you back out, you will miss it...
"Fuck" this and "fuck" that, that's all you'll get to say?
"FUCK THE WORLD" - Is what I say!
"Fuck" one and all who mess' with you this way.
"Fuck" all your thoughts! This ain't "fucking" sane!
And when you "fuck" it all, you think about the same.
That fixation that makes you cry,
Whimper within your each "fucking" vein!
This monstrosity,
This animosity,
That you've built up with your mind,
The "whole notion"
Without any "fucking" emotion...
That will make you back out from your best find!
And just when you think you are sure...
You think about it some "fucking" more!
It's imprudent you know... and I know!
"Do this! Do that!" That's all your mind reminds you of.
Back off, "Fuck" off, think of and cry for,
The "Fucking" one that made you so sure...
But yet... so not sure!
Stay under your sheets...
Feel inside, your heart beat...
Feel "fucking" afraid of all that's make you feel,
Kill your thoughts and kill it in a way,
That will no longer make your mind sway...
From that obsession,
That regression,
That crazy degeneration.
...Conceal with no concealing!
Speak, without speaking;
Sleep, without sleeping;
And feel without feeling.
Maintain it all in and then shout it all out!
"Believe without seeing!"
Give it another shot,
Give it an extra thought,
And you know what?
It's the same craze that made you so sure,
Yet you are not!
The emotion, hard to seal,
The thoughts, hard to conceal,
The words, you don't want to disclose,
Your weak mind, you don't want to expose.
Your even weaker heart, that so obviously shows...
The verity that you have your eyes closed,
The actuality that everyone close to you knows!
The truth that gives you a "fucking" further low.
You WANT to give it a shot?
"Fuck" everyone and everything else!
Think just about us, a whole lot.
Or do the right thing:
Stop thinking about it, repent it.
Hope that soon enough
You will breathe your last breath inside,
Maybe even cry.
And that one day
That will be someday...
You will "fucking" putrefy.

~ Subtract: Your Brain Cells, By Reading It. ~

(Be strong, determinate and consistent...)

No matter how much you want your relationship to work, if your partner does not want it to work, then it won't. As the saying goes: "It takes two to tango". Many people actually do not want to be a lifelong soul mate, preferring instead a much lesser relationship. If your partner is one of these, you have a simple choice to make: Whether settle for a relationship that falls far short of being a lifelong soul mate relationship, or get a new relationship. The choice is yours. It's your call. The rules for having a lifelong soul mate relationship will help you judge your current relationship to see if there is any possibility of it becoming such a relationship.

But, remember, when you find that special 'one'...

You have to ALWAYS make your relationship work. No matter what obstacles come in it's way. Never give up. If you fall, rise. If you fall again, then rise once more. And if you fall again...

(One More Rule for a Healthy Relationship)

~ Butterfly ~

(4th of July 2008)

I don't want to divulge the truth,
I want you to apprehend it on your own,
And I ache for your affection to show,
I don't want to pluck out the seeds that we've sown,
The sun hasn't set on us, yet,
All I can evoke is that it has in verity, once shone,
And I love you so much; it's really all I've ever known.
Show me that you care,
I feel dead, derailed, decayed, and all inside,
Remorse so unfathomable, I feel raped inside,
Talk to your own, talk where your comfort resides,

Talk to anyone…my foe besides,
Think just about us, it might help you decide,
Drop the care, the emotions, and a word of advice,
Think reasonably; keep your feelings aside.
Have you ever felt, while standing in front of the mirror, completely insecure?
Each tear trickling down your eye, reminds you of the same numbness,
You begin to abhor your own reflection, and you wind up weeping some more?
It's not that you're losing your desire; it's just that it's this very same desire,
Had got you feeling protected,
And you begin to despise it;
you no longer feel that your love is pure?
Please let it endure...
Show me that you know, that you care,
Send me a butterfly or two: send me some sort of sign...
... And I'll wait for a bit, but I don't feel I have the time,
Somewhere down the road, I know I'll have to draw the line!
You are alright and I will be fine...