Momento Nosso...

Eu sou muito adulta e tu muito pequenino. Tu dormes nos meus braços e eu escondo-me no teu corpo. Tu és muito bonito e eu sou muito feia. Tu sabes a mel e eu sou muito amarga. Tu sonhas comigo e eu espero por ti nos meus sonhos…
A noite já abraçou a lua há já muitas horas, Tu dormes no meu peito nu como um principe docemente desprotegido. Eu tenho a tua respiração na minha pele, e os meus cabelos percorrem como um rio selvagem as minhas costas. A tua pele é clara como a lua, pois eu vejo-te na escuridão desta gruta onde nos escondemos. Sinto-te só meu neste espaço onde o tempo não obedece ao tempo mas à vontade das nossas almas. Eu sussurro-te, por entre a noite que vai e que fica, histórias ao ouvido, mesmo sabendo que dormes suavemente, enquanto as minhas mãos percorrem envergonhadas o teu corpo meu. Amo o teu corpo distante de mim que dorme junto ao meu peito; amo os teus olhos espelhos das alma e senhores das palavras ditas. Quero-te para sempre nesta noite que nos cobre num negro cintilante, para me dedicar a ti num vício voluntário e doce…
As roupas enfeitam as tábuas de madeira deste chão. Vejo, ou imagino, a tua camisa, as tuas calças, a tua roupa mais pequena, a cair há horas do teu corpo agora nosso . Sinto-te em mim neste abraço doce e quente onde nos tornámos crianças puras em busca do tesouro escondido. Nada foi igual ao que já fora…
Tu és muito adulto e eu muito pequenina. Eu descanso no teu corpo e tu vives nos meus braços.

[escrito ah, 2 anos...]

* Integracao *

Quem e portugues, nasce p'ra ser assim!
Se nao e pela Lingua, consegue se-lo pelo sentido de humor, inteligencia, entre outros factores,...

Um americano sempre julga ser melhor que os outros. Infelizmente, "a repeticao exaustiva da mesma acusacao desacredita o acusador"...

Hoje assisti a um americano a tentar desvalorizar um chines!
A principio, fiquei a pensar comigo mesma... "Que argumentos podera ele utilizar que sejam validos? Ao ponto de menosprezar o coitado do rapaz chines!"

"Tenho orgulho em ser americano!! Tenho orgulho na nossa historia!!!" - dizia o americano.

Mas o que e um americano afinal?
E de que historia fala ele? [ meia duzia de centenas de anos? - como quem diz - ... ]

Como se deve sentir alguem de descendencia de europeus/emigrantes de terceira? Que orgulho ha nisso?

E ao debater o descobrimento da America o argumento do fulano americano foi:
"Mas os indios ja ca estavam..."

Ora vejamos, chegamos nos com trajes de gente! E com armas!! Para nosso espanto, vemos um molhe de "homo sapiens" a brincar com paus e canas; isso e Historia?
Que? Os indios, eram frutos dos avancados Adao e Eva, por isso nao demonstravam nenhum desenvolvimento? Progresso?
[o meu sentido de humor...]

Ao que o americano comenta:
"Os paus e as canas deviam fazer estragos, porque ainda existem indios, nao morreram..."

Analisando a situacao em 1492... Chegamos nos a America, olhamos aquelas amostras de gente com paus na mao! Enquanto nos carregamos armas, eh como olhar para uma crianca com um palito na mao! "Olha la, NAO TE MAGOES COM ISSO!!!"
Se alguns indios sobreviveram, foi por misericordia? Pena? Do? E claro, porque mao de obra de borla, vem sempre a jeito!

No fim, estavam todos abismados e eu ainda meia atordoada com tanta parvoice.
Ainda bem que nao pagam para serem incultos e para terem barreiras no cerebro, porque de certo, o "dollar" valeria muito menos!

O professor, ainda teve a ousadia de me "ameacar";

"Tens de ter cuidado com o que dizes..."

Ao que respondi: "Bem, pensava que estava num pais livre! Em que opinar, e permitido! Se calhar, nem tanto..."

Por alguma razao que me escapa, estes palhacos, pensam que parte da floresta Amazonia lhes pertence. Supostamente, e mencionado num livro de Historia do secundario, dizem eles.
Se alguem sabe alguma coisa sobre o assunto, agradecia pormenores.

"merci"

~ The Three WisheS ~

"If I could pick three wishes"
1st, I'd make me be the one he misses!
2nd, I'd create my own world, in PinK
and make him the only thing I'd think!

I'd give away my soul
With one purpose, one goal...
'Cause Life without him here
It's like a day with no sun

I wouldn't be able to live, dear
Without him, my life would be done!
So my last wish is my heart.

As for I wish, we'll never be apart;
That when he is caught by death...
... my life will be taken, in his final breath.

~ Natal ~

Os natais ja nao sao iguais!
Sao sem alegria...
Sem familia...
Sem festa...

Os natais ja nao sao iguais!
Sem calor...
Sem amor...
Sem esperanca...

Os natais ja nao sao iguais!
Sem felicidade...
Sem amizade...
Apenas com o que me resta!

Os natais ja nao sao iguais!
Sem inocencia...
Sem crenca...
Com a restea, de lembranca...!

~ DaD II ~

Nem sei bem como comecar
Nem sei bem o que escrever
Mas ao tempo que ando a chorar
O que aqui vou dizer.
Quando era pequenita
Meu pai, era o meu mundo
Ao contrario do que muitos pensam
As suas palavras, nao cairam em poco sem fundo!
Disseste muitas vezes, que me ia lembrar de ti
Quao verdade eh o que disseste...
Sou feliz, e penso em tudo o que vivi...
E agradeco a Deus pelo o amor que me deste.
Aquando da minha adolescencia
Querias a minha proteccao
Mas passar a minha vida sozinha,
Nao eh a solucao.
Fizeste-o com boa intencao
Nao fosse alguem partir o meu coracao.
Que nos amavas, muitas vezes duvidei
Mas embora magoada, Pai, eu sempre te amei.
Nao te vou mentir Pai
Muitas vezes pensei dizer-te:
"Sai da minha vida, sai..."
Mas no fundo, vou sempre amar-te.
Os meus amigos perguntavam
Porque escolhias a bebida inves de mim?
Eu mentia e dizia que tinhas uma doenca
E que nao podias escolher, que tinhas de ser assim...
Hoje pergunto a mim mesma
Porque mudaste?
Porque me fizeste sofrer?
Se sempre me amaste...
Bebias por minha causa?
Ou era por outro alguem?
Nao devias arruinar a tua vida
Pelos erros de ninguem!!!
Eu sempre tive medo de te falar
Tinha medo que me deixasses de amar!
Mas eu prefiro arriscar a minha sorte
Do que te ver entregue ah morte.
Embora as vezes eu tenha errado
Nao quer dizer que nao te tenha respeitado!
Fazemos mal porque esta na nossa natureza
Mas nunca foi para te prejudicar,
disso dou-te a certeza.
Eu nunca te quis fazer sofrer!
Nao bebas, nao quero que vas tu morrer!
Quando te vir, vou sentir embarasso
Mas espero de ti, apenas um enorme abraco!
Espero que nao olhes p'ra isto como uma ofensa
Mas como um desabafo de quem te quer bem!!
Trata bem da mae, da-lhe flores e amor,
E aproveita o que de melhor o mundo tem.

~ It'S GoiNG To Be AlriGhT ~

The day we said good bye,
Made me want to die,
I never wanted you to leave me,
Yet I knew you couldn't see,
Why I wanted you to stay by me,
I never told you before,
Because I was too busy falling to the floor,
I didn't want you to see my tears,
I guess I didn't think you'd want to hear,
How much I loved you how many tears I shed,
Lying down depressed in bed,
The day you told me you were leaving me,
I decided there could never again be a we,
I guess we should part into our own separate ways,
Since no person is here forever to stay,
But before you leave I just want to say,
I'll always love you
even when your 1,000 miles away.


Those nights I cried myself to sleep,
All those secrets that I've had to keep,
Those lies I've had to tell,
Those times I had to go through hell.
Nothing's going to be the same,
now I live my life in shame,
hiding my pain, the truth behind my eyes,
This fake smile has been my disguise.
I can't lie about it anymore,
Keeping from all, is you I adore.
Embarrassment is what you made me feel,
The only thing that valued to me you had to steal.
Does anybody notice the truth I hide?
Does anybody know about the tears I've cried?
This lie about my past,
my truth that I've never surpassed.
I'm trying to be strong,
Trying to tell myself that I did nothing wrong,
It has been how many years,
yet in my dreams you still appear,
This is who I am
the girl, you know, [damn]
The girl who spent the nights crying,
The poor girl who felt like dying,
Who can love me now?
How can you love me, tell me how?


Why are you the sun to my soul?
The one that wakes me
through the shades of my window.
When the nights were so long
and my dreams into limbo.
Sent for me from up above
Kept in my life to be the one I love
...truly sensing your touch,
A feeling that I have longed for so much.
Why are you the sun to my soul?
Sent to wake me up from my slumber,
a feeling that has left me to wonder...
Why are you the sun to my soul?
Was it meant for me to catch your rays,
Upon my skin that caress every whim of me?
Will we agree with mom says
There's more to life, and I shall see...
In bed I lie all day thinking of you,
And what the heck should I finally do...
while I sleep and awake to the thought of the feel,
Just wishing, that thought would be a second so real.


Skin-pale color, Lips so full of life,
Eyes that cut into your soul
Just like through skin would a knife...
explain exactly who I am.
Soft-spoken voice,
a breeze of peppermint gum,
and that would be my choice...
And so would be, sounding like I'm dumb.
Words spoken in a language
That may never be understood
Well, maybe some, would...
A mark that resembles the blood of a strawberry,
As god took a bite,
Another resembles hope and victory
And this would be our flag (sigh)
Brings out ignorance in others
- Hey! We can't be all "brothers"
Attention to me,
great nation, u'll see
Hatred towards you,
Yes, you will see too. -
Leaves me speechless with things assumed
Being born, I'm doomed.
It's something that makes me unique...
Tired of trying to explain myself, leading
I love to read, sing, dance, AH! writing...
I'd know more then them even when I blink
Let them think what they want to think.


I want to walk to the middle of nowhere
Just sit there and stare at the sky
Because maybe in the middle of nowhere
time doesn't have to fly by...
I want to live beneath the ocean
Where my tears will blend with the water
and your memory will drown with mine
I want to jump higher and higher
I want to have the suns shine!
Running to the middle of nowhere
Where I'll slowly fade into nothing
A nothing, something divine
I want to live every moment
and not be here at the same time!
Can someone explain what I'm thinking?
Is this normal of a being?
To see these things I'm seing?!
Is your thought following...
'Cause mine is lost in nowhere
As it can't be held by hand
You're asking where is there?
Nowhere! Just where I stand.

Don't worry about tomorrow
Even though the sun ain't out today
Hold on to your future
And forget about yesterday
Though tomorrow isn't promised
Just keep on thinking ahead
Don't give up because you're tired
Don't give up until you're dead
Don't worry yourself!
See you're going to be okay
This rain won't last forever
There's going to be a brighter day
As long as we got each other
And a bit of luck is on our side
Don't worry about tomorrow
It's going to be all right.

.

.

.

.

I'm a figment of ones imagination.. [sigh]

"A vida e uma peca de teactro que nao permite ensaios."

Somehow, my life has a sense of humor.
There were 2 essential things in my life: Love and Portuguese. And eventually, I'll end up losing both.

Isn't that incredible?

For what? Money? Or is it what I once heard, LIFESTYLE? [lol!]
Is it worth it? In the end? Is it worth it?

I see the big picture. Do you?
Med school, I'll have the credibility that some have.
I'll be able to help.
To have.
To give.
To take.

I'm 19yrs old why do I have to make it so complicated and unhappy on myself?
If all life takes it's a bit of courage? Sacrifice...

When I die, will I look at the great things I did? And appreciate the fact I took this road I chose?
Or will I carry the heavy cross of letting go what once was everything to me?

For a long time, I haven't felt this way.

For some reason I had a nightmare I was at my mom's and someone died. I had all my friends and family around. [never saw who actually died...];

This morning when I woke up, I found out my dad had a major heart attack, but he's alright.

My mom was talking to me on the phone, and even tho the circumstances, I felt happy. We had such a peaceful talk. It was like being her little girl again.
She was so concerned. She asked me to drop it and leave.

"It's more than normal to let go, and you're so young..."

What she meant was...

"It's not normal to let go of us, and you're so unhappy..."

I could hear in her voice. That's the voice she would have when I used to say I wanted more out of life... That I had to leave, 'cause there would have to be more out there than that!

It's funny 'cause I ended up crying on the phone and telling her I was so sorry; what a good mother she always was. Thank her for all the love and education she somewhat gave me.
That I feel proud of her. And that I miss her. That the things I was always talking about of looking for, were with me all along, I just never realized.

I'm so ungrateful. And I never appreciated anything. She always tried go out of her way to keep me happy. I just never saw it with this perspective.

There are some decisions in life, that have to be made out of love. Not, false pretensions.
I'm worse than I thought. And I stick with it, over pride.
I feel so ignorant.

Now I have things that everyone wants. And I'm not satisfied.
It hurts. 'Cause for a second there I actually thought I had fooled me.
Why do I have to think?

I'm going insane.

Life is so short and the only we have... How do you live with your decisions?

And to end all this, I must say, I try...

Moonlight Sonata [by Ludwig Van Beethoven]

"It seems like it's telling the story of my life;

Once Upon a Time..."

.

.
..

.

She AlMoSt FeLt ThiS WaY

Promised to be here in this night,
Dressed in pearls and crowned a bride,
But my love has lost his need,
To have me as his everything,
Anothers eye's have caught his lips,
Soft and tender as they kiss,
He shared our bed with her silky skin,
Now and never can I forgive,
But need I not for he has gone,
And left this shadow all alone,
Plunging now into my death,
Forsaking love my final breath.

~(...)OnCe UpOn @ TiMe I WaS FaLlinG In LoVe NoW I'm F234567 FaLliNG Ap@rT(...)~

I couldn't resist putting this song on my blog.

The song itself is great. But the word "F234567" added to it, it's just, priceless.


"(...) [turn around], every now and then I get a little bit terrified of seing the f234567 look in your eyes. [turn around...] Every now and then I fall apart, f234567 every now and then I fall apart. And I need you now tonight I f234567 need you more than ever(...)"


OMFG!